Deal with Grief with Suzanne Stines

Suzanne Stines shares her powerful and inspiring journey of faith, hope, and strength in the face of a cancer diagnosis. Her unwavering faith and reliance on prayer transformed her grief and fear into a source of peace and purpose. Through her story, she emphasizes the importance of pursuing God's presence and word every day, finding strength in the darkest moments, and trusting in His will.

Takeaways

• Unwavering faith and reliance on prayer can transform grief and fear into sources of peace and strength.
• Pursuing God's presence and word every day can provide immense strength and peace, even in the darkest moments.
• Trusting in God's will and finding purpose in the journey can lead to a deeper relationship with Him and a source of inspiration for others.

Personal Website | https://suzannestines.com/
Instagram Handle | https://www.instagram.com/suzstines/
Facebook Profile Handle | https://www.facebook.com/suzstines
LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/suzannestines/

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Transcript

Ruth Hovsepian (00:01.156)
Welcome to Out of the Darkness. This is a brand new episode. And I am excited today because we have a powerful and inspiring story to share with you. And the topic we are discussing and dealing with is grief and how faith can transform our deepest sorrows into sources of strength and peace. My special guest today is Suzanne Steins, a remarkable woman who has walked through the valley of grief and fear.

after a cancer diagnosis and emerged with a renewed sense of faith and hope. Suzanne's journey is a testament to the power of prayer and the incredible ways God can work in our lives, even in the darkest of times. She has graciously agreed to share her story with us, and I am certain it will touch your heart and uplift your spirit. Suzanne is a devoted Christian, a mother, an inspirational speaker who has turned her

personal battle with cancer into a message of hope and faith. When she was diagnosed with cancer, Suzanne faced immense grief, fear, and isolation. However, through her unwavering faith and the support of her Heavenly Father, she found peace and strength to carry on. Suzanne also experienced the miracle of seeing her biggest, boldest prayer answered, the chance to see her daughter.

Suzanne Stines (01:26.446)
Okay.

Ruth Hovsepian (01:29.732)
grow up. Welcome to Out of the Darkness Suzanne. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Suzanne Stines (01:37.71)
Thank you, Ruth. I'm absolutely delighted to be here.

Ruth Hovsepian (01:43.396)
Suzanne, your story is just incredibly moving and a true testament to the strength of faith. And to start our conversation, can you take us back to the moment you first received your diagnosis and how did you initially cope with the overwhelming grief, fear, and what role did your faith play in those early days?

Suzanne Stines (02:10.318)
So I'll take us back to 2018. I was a very busy working mom. My daughter was eight. We had moved to Richmond the summer before. So we really were still getting adjusted to life in Richmond. And we had found a new church. I was in a new school. And the summer of 2017, I skipped my routine eye exam.

I thought I've had LASIK surgery in the past. That's the one thing I can skip. I got all the other doctor appointments signed up, took care of everything for my daughter. My husband did his, but I just skipped that one thing. So spring of 2018 rolled around and my sweet daughter said to me one afternoon after school, I think I need to get my eyes checked, mom. I'm having trouble seeing the board. And I thought, this was in April. I thought, well, this is the

Ruth Hovsepian (03:04.132)
We ready?

Suzanne Stines (03:04.238)
perfect timing because I missed my eye exam last year. I said, we'll get an exam before the school year is out. So just before Memorial Day, she got her eyes checked on Monday and I went on Wednesday. And that Wednesday, that appointment looked very different than any eye exam I'd ever had. And that sweet doctor stopped his exam and he told me that I had a retinal detachment.

I didn't know what that exactly was, but I knew my grandpa had had a retinal detachment, so I knew it was serious. He said, you're going to need surgery right away, either tonight or tomorrow morning. He got me in with a surgeon the next morning. And so here I go, like walking into a specialist office in Richmond the next morning with my husband and my daughter thinking I'm having surgery. And that doctor started his exam because of course, before he

Ruth Hovsepian (03:37.092)
Mmm.

Suzanne Stines (04:00.078)
started the procedure on my eye. He needed to see for himself what was going on. And the door opened and a couple of nurses came in and they scooped my daughter out of the room, lured her out with candy. I wonder why she's leaving. He shut the door and he let me know a working diagnosis. He said, I'm going to tell you what I think is going on in your eye. He said, it's not a retinal detachment, which is good news. However,

I think you have a cordial malignant melanoma in your right eye. And I said, what? I knew what the word melanoma meant, but I did not know that eye cancer even existed. Never heard of it, never knew anybody with it. And at that moment was when my world started coming, crashing down.

On June 1st, I went to an ocular oncologist at UVA and he confirmed that diagnosis. And again, the overwhelming sense of grief hit me like a brick.

It was absolutely devastating. That doctor let me know that I would need to have surgery, that there would be a plaque that would be formed just for my eye, and that it would direct radiation at the tumor for a maximum of seven days. The tumor was just small enough to be operated on. If it was one millimeter bigger, I would have had to have my eye removed.

I'm so grateful that my daughter said in April, hey mom, I need to get my eyes checked. Had I waited till the end of the summer, because the eye appointment honestly was not on my priority list for that summer, it would have been the last thing I did at the end of the summer. And at that point, it could have been too big to even be treatable.

Ruth Hovsepian (05:44.932)
Mm.

Suzanne Stines (06:04.846)
From June, I had the surgery at the end of June with the radiation and I knew I would get results in August for metastatic risk. With this type of cancer comes a level one, two or three of risk for metastatic disease, primarily to the liver. It can spread to the lungs and other major organs, but primarily the liver. And I'll be honest with you Ruth, I didn't even know.

what metastasis meant. Like that was a word I had heard but didn't even know anybody that had had cancer that had metastasized. So everything was new and overwhelming. And where I was in June with my faith, my faith was on cruise control. I was just going through the motions, reading my daily devotion. I was on the worship team in my church and I loved serving in that way. But I was not.

Ruth Hovsepian (06:36.74)
Mm -hmm.

Ruth Hovsepian (06:52.42)
Hmm.

Suzanne Stines (07:02.574)
seeking Jesus day in and day out, wasn't seeking his presence and all that he has to offer every single day at that point in my life. I was just doing the things I knew that I needed to do as a Christian. So between June, cruise control, complete cruise control, just going through the motions. And I loved what I did, you know, with the worship team and all of that, but just totally cruising through, not...

Ruth Hovsepian (07:19.652)
cruise control. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Suzanne Stines (07:31.182)
growing in my relationship with the Lord. And so between June and August, I knew I would go back in August and get the results of the biopsy. The biopsy itself during the surgery, when the plaque was inserted was very risky, but it also can show the level of risk and your genetics, how that's tied into the tumor and all of that. So,

Ruth Hovsepian (07:33.764)
Mmm.

Suzanne Stines (07:57.55)
I opted in for it, prayed over, okay Lord, you know the outcome, you know what's gonna happen. I started praying about it, but decided to do that biopsy. So I had a lot of time to pray during those months as I waited to get those results. And that is when I started to dig into the word. And of course, where do you go when you dig into the word? It wasn't the old school book on my shelf, right? It was Google. Total transparency, I went to Google, versus on healing.

Ruth Hovsepian (08:20.74)
My...

Ruth Hovsepian (08:26.82)
Yeah.

Suzanne Stines (08:27.502)
verses on trusting the Lord. And one verse that I learned as a teenager at youth camp came to my mind and that's Proverbs 3, 5, and 6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path. Now we'll tell you I'm not going to sugarcoat anything about this. It was awful. The surgery.

Ruth Hovsepian (08:51.652)
Hmm.

Suzanne Stines (08:57.454)
The recovery from that was painful. It was gruesome. My family can attest to that. I was exhausted from the radiation. My body had never experienced anything like that. Those were the months where I was working through all of those pieces of grief that I started to passionately chase Jesus with everything inside of me. Okay, God.

This is not from you, but I know that you've allowed it. I don't know why. And I realize I don't have to understand why. I just have to trust you, God. I just have to trust you.

Ruth Hovsepian (09:37.988)
Mm.

Suzanne Stines (09:41.582)
So I found six verses that I still use in my morning quiet time to this day. I actually, I have a newsletter now and when ladies sign up for the newsletter, I use those verses. I have them with me. These are verses that were my lifeline at that time. Verses about trust, Proverbs 3, 5 and 6 is one of them. Verses about healing. By his stripes we are healed.

Ruth Hovsepian (10:12.196)
Amen.

Suzanne Stines (10:12.398)
and just leaning into him and his peace. And I will tell you Ruth, in that process, in those few months, I started to really hone in on everything that the word tells us about God's nature, who he is and what he provides for us. He gives us joy and peace in the midst of circumstances where we...

humanly should not have joy and peace. And at first I didn't. I was at the grief, you know, the anger, the isolation, the fear was all there. But when I started pursuing everything he had to offer through his word and his presence, that's when things started to change. So when I went to the doctor in August, I was prayed up and I just was

Ruth Hovsepian (10:49.284)
Mm -hmm.

Suzanne Stines (11:09.294)
hoping and praying that I would have the lowest risk of metastasis. Who wouldn't, right? Like nobody wants this awful prognosis. And so I went that day with my family and the doctor started with unfortunately, and I knew. I heard bits and pieces of what he said after that, but I knew that he was gonna tell me with that one word that it was the worst.

Ruth Hovsepian (11:16.708)
Yep.

Suzanne Stines (11:36.622)
So the news he shared once I absorbed it was you're at a 72 % risk of metastasis within five years, primarily to your liver because of the tumor, the genetics, things are not in your favor.

Suzanne Stines (11:56.078)
So he let that sink in as much as he possibly could and told me I was eligible for a clinical trial for a drug that could potentially prevent metastasis. You know, clinical trials are all about you're the guinea pig, right? And that's a good thing. That's how we know that drugs work is because people volunteer in situations that are horrific and hope and pray that it works.

Ruth Hovsepian (12:15.36)
Yeah. Yep.

Suzanne Stines (12:25.966)
Right?

I did end up talking with someone from the clinical trial, found out all the risks that were involved. It was like listening to a commercial. You know, when you see a commercial and the people are happy, but they're reading those awful side effects, including death, that was what it sounded like. And it would include trips up to Philadelphia for about a year. And my husband was like, don't you, don't you want to try this? And I said, mm -mm, no.

I don't, I said my faith and my trust is in Jesus, in Jesus alone. Yes, drugs are great and they are needed at different points in life for different things. But we don't know that this will or won't work. We don't know that this will or won't metastasize, but God does. And I don't believe that I'm meant to put this in my body, not as a mama who wants to fight desperately to be here to see her baby girl grow up. And he said, okay.

If that's where you are, we'll just keep going on and keep praying. So June 1st, just a few days ago, I celebrated six years, Ruth. Praise God. No metastasis. Yes, praise God. Every scan has been clear. Well, I say every scan. There was one where I had a tiny micro -nodule in my lungs. They checked my whole midsection of my body.

Ruth Hovsepian (13:40.708)
Amen. Praise God. Yes.

Suzanne Stines (13:54.606)
It was every six months, thankfully, when I hit year five, I only have to be scanned once a year, but I had a little micro -nodule that grew just a tiny bit. I covered it in prayer. I went back three months later, and that little micro -nodule that had grown was resolving and barely visible when I went back, praise God. No weapon, the word tells us no weapon formed against you, Shalpros. That's one of those six verses. And,

Ruth Hovsepian (13:54.692)
Right.

Suzanne Stines (14:24.334)
I just know that the Lord has me here for a purpose, for whatever time he wants me here. And I thank him, I praise him for answering that prayer about my daughter. She just turned 14. And that is the absolute biggest ministry I have is being her mama and getting to love her through these tough teen years.

Ruth Hovsepian (14:47.908)
Hmm.

Suzanne Stines (14:52.11)
There's no greater job that I'll ever have than that right there. And I'm so grateful.

Ruth Hovsepian (14:55.844)
Yeah.

It, it, it truly is miraculous. And I know that we know that God is a God of miracles. And yet we are always odd at what he does and what he can do for us. I'm curious to know though, you know, you were on cruise control when all of this started. Where are you now?

Suzanne Stines (15:22.254)
Mm -hmm. Yes. On fire! You know, when you walk through something that's life -altering, and we all have situations in life where it could be an unexpected death, it could be a job loss, it could be a diagnosis, it could be a relationship that's gone awry, it could be all kinds of things that just stop us in our tracks.

Ruth Hovsepian (15:29.988)
Yeah

Ruth Hovsepian (15:37.028)
Yes.

Suzanne Stines (15:49.07)
When those things happen in life, that's where our faith is really tested. And it was like, you know, I have such a deep relationship with the Lord now, I can just think of him looking at me and saying, okay, are you going to trust me? You have seen my word. Yes, like you have. You've read my word since you were a little girl, you've sang praise songs. Are you going to put it into action or not? Are you going to let the grief consume you?

Ruth Hovsepian (16:05.156)
Yeah. Well done, faithful servant. Yeah.

Suzanne Stines (16:17.262)
I needed to be able to walk through those emotions, right? That's normal, that's natural. We're made in his image. We're going to grieve when tragedy strikes. But are you gonna stay there? Are you gonna let me fill you up with joy and peace and be able to share with others hope in the midst of life's difficulties?

Ruth Hovsepian (16:20.324)
Yes.

Ruth Hovsepian (16:40.356)
I think that's the key. You know, even Jesus grieved. We see that. And I, and, and I, I believe that it is the knowledge that we gain when we walk with the Lord, when we are in his word, that helps us through these trials and these difficult situations that we are in. And I loved how you said that.

Suzanne Stines (16:45.614)
Yeah, he sure did.

Ruth Hovsepian (17:10.116)
This was not from him, but he allowed it. And I have come to learn this. You know, as you said, we, we, we're all on a journey and we all come at it from different places. We start this journey in a different way, in a different place. We experience the journey. We may be on the same path. We walk side by side, but we're seeing different things. But at the end of the day,

Suzanne Stines (17:12.11)
Suzanne Stines (17:27.79)
Yeah.

Suzanne Stines (17:36.366)
Mm -hmm.

Ruth Hovsepian (17:39.236)
We're all headed to the same place. We are right. We're using the same roadmap, the Bible to give us the guidance to go. And I believe that prayer is also a huge.

Suzanne Stines (17:43.054)
Yes.

Suzanne Stines (17:51.886)
Yes.

Ruth Hovsepian (17:59.3)
a contributor to the faith walk.

Suzanne Stines (18:02.966)
Amen.

Ruth Hovsepian (18:05.924)
We can't do it without him. And it's not easy. As you said, you know, it may be a death that we're dealing with, an illness we're dealing with, a loss of some sort, but we are given the tools to deal with it.

Suzanne Stines (18:07.918)
Yeah.

Suzanne Stines (18:26.99)
Yes, absolutely, through His Word. And when you dig in His Word, you start to feel His presence and He just fills you up. He fills you in a way that nobody else or nothing else can. You know, I had wonderful family members. I had church family praying for me, multiple church families. But nobody could give me peace in my heart like He could.

Ruth Hovsepian (18:33.952)
Yes.

Suzanne Stines (18:57.038)
Nobody.

Yeah, and prayer, it all starts with prayer, where we are just raw and real before Him, right? He knows our heart. He just wants us to express that. So my prayers in the beginning of this journey, God, I don't understand. I don't like this.

Ruth Hovsepian (19:01.092)
Yeah.

Ruth Hovsepian (19:05.636)
Mm.

Suzanne Stines (19:20.494)
but I know you have a greater purpose in all of this. Show me what you want to come out of this. Show me Lord, how I can help others in this process. And he's honored that.

Ruth Hovsepian (19:35.556)
Yeah, I think that's so important. Yeah, and so important what you said I love it, because it's not. I don't know I'm gonna say it, it's gonna rattle maybe some people when I say it or they're going to disagree but put it out there. The prayer that we pray is so important. If I go to the Lord, so this is my take on it.

I, if I have something and I take it to the Lord, I take it to the Lord and say, Lord, if this is your will, take it away from me. If it is your will, whatever, heal this person. If it is your will, do this. It scares me when I hear I've done it. I'm guilty of it.

Suzanne Stines (20:11.214)
Yes.

Suzanne Stines (20:22.19)
Mm -hmm.

Ruth Hovsepian (20:32.26)
Lord, do this. He may actually do it, but is that what is, was for you, right? Was that what the Lord really had put in place for you? Because you'll never know. We'll never know. And I believe in asking big. I do because my faith is, is huge. I believe in huge prayers, but I want God's will to be done.

Suzanne Stines (20:38.702)
Thank you.

Suzanne Stines (20:49.038)
huh.

Suzanne Stines (20:53.55)
Yes. Yes.

Suzanne Stines (21:01.582)
Amen.

Ruth Hovsepian (21:01.636)
whether I'm not healed, right? And whether look at Peter. my goodness, the poor man had to deal with this, this this whatever it was, because we never know exactly what it is. But he dealt with it. How I deal with it, I believe is what is so important. What do I take away from it, right? That I think that's what it is. Those are we sometimes.

Suzanne Stines (21:04.27)
Yep.

Suzanne Stines (21:09.198)
Yeah.

Suzanne Stines (21:14.446)
Yeah.

Suzanne Stines (21:23.502)
Yes.

Ruth Hovsepian (21:31.044)
Miss the the what is it? We miss the forest because of the trees is that what the say? Yeah, but but that's what it is, right? We miss out on so many blessings because we're so fixated on our our demands on the Lord and I'm not saying do not pray for miracles by all means miracles happen. I you know, you've said it I say it

Suzanne Stines (21:37.198)
Yes. Yes.

Suzanne Stines (21:54.67)
Yeah, yes.

Ruth Hovsepian (22:00.004)
We believe in miracles and, but we need to come to the Lord in humility and humbleness and ask for the Lord's will. Yeah, I think so. And even in your grieving process, yeah. Yeah, go ahead, sorry.

Suzanne Stines (22:01.806)
Amen.

Suzanne Stines (22:08.814)
Yes.

Suzanne Stines (22:12.654)
wholeheartedly. Yeah.

Yes, no, I was just going to say I wholeheartedly agree with you. I prayed that at the beginning of this journey. And I know deep down that my sweet daughter would be okay without me because he would take care of her. I know that.

Ruth Hovsepian (22:24.26)
Mmm.

Ruth Hovsepian (22:32.964)
Yes, you gave me goosebumps. You gave me goosebumps on that one. Yeah, you're right. Of 100%, but as a mama, yeah, I know. I know what you're saying and I feel it in my.

Suzanne Stines (22:37.806)
I knew he would take care of her.

Suzanne Stines (22:45.614)
Yeah, yeah, but I said...

Suzanne Stines (22:51.086)
Yes, I just laid it out there. God, I want your will in this. And of course, I prayed for that instant healing. God, heal my body. Take this tumor out. He didn't. I still prayed the word by your stripes, I'm healed. And I know that healing is there supernaturally. What the hard piece of this journey that a lot of people don't know about with eye cancer is that if you have the eye treated over time,

there are many issues that your eye will go through. So I've had cataract surgery in the eye since, I've had multiple injections to treat inflammation that simply comes as a long -term result of radiation. I still see my ocular oncologist every year. My eye does weird things every day, nobody would ever know, but I see all kinds of weird things and it's a constant reminder that this has happened, but also a constant reminder of God's goodness.

Ruth Hovsepian (23:23.844)
Mm.

Suzanne Stines (23:50.062)
because I'm here and I'm doing what he's called me to do. He told me years ago before this happened that my purpose was to speak life, love, purpose and hope into the hearts of women. And when he spoke that, I really didn't have this story. I have other stories from life that are hard. There's an eating disorder story. There's a job loss story. There's really hard things that I walk through.

Ruth Hovsepian (24:06.468)
Mm.

Suzanne Stines (24:19.022)
in my younger years, when he gave me that word, I didn't really know what that meant. And then when this happened, I realized, okay, Lord, this is the testimony that you're going to be able to use for my good Lord and for your.

Ruth Hovsepian (24:33.892)
Yeah.

Suzanne Stines (24:39.406)
Yeah, but praying with holy boys. I say sometimes I have a ladies Facebook group and I'll say girls pray with holy boldness and part of doing that is praying his will because we always want to be in line with his will. Our plans don't always match up with what his plans are. I would never ever want this to happen to anyone.

Ruth Hovsepian (24:40.74)
Yeah.

Ruth Hovsepian (24:56.708)
Yeah.

Suzanne Stines (25:02.702)
but he saw he knew the greater purpose in it all.

Ruth Hovsepian (25:06.084)
Yeah, now, you know, it's, it's so, it's so amazing how God takes terrible events in our lives and turns it and uses it to for his glory. And we just need to be ready and open and

Suzanne Stines (25:26.35)
Yes.

Suzanne Stines (25:32.974)
Yes.

Ruth Hovsepian (25:34.148)
willing, right, to say to become that vessel. I think that is what is so important for us. Grieving is grieving. Sometimes we need the time to grieve and we don't allow ourselves to grieve it. Recently. actually, the podcast that is live today because we're not recording live, you know, we're not live but is with Donna Scott.

Suzanne Stines (25:35.694)
Yes.

Suzanne Stines (25:47.79)
Mm -hmm.

Suzanne Stines (26:01.55)
Yeah.

Ruth Hovsepian (26:03.332)
And we talked about that. And, and one of the things that I believe with grieving is we need to grieve. I never allowed myself to grieve. And it took, and that in itself was a detriment to healing. Right? There's there, I think grieving is different than wallowing in my sorrows. You grieve.

Suzanne Stines (26:13.934)
Yes.

Suzanne Stines (26:24.722)
Yes.

Suzanne Stines (26:32.718)
Yes.

Ruth Hovsepian (26:33.22)
for something that has taken place, whatever it is, there is a season for grieving. Yeah. Yes. Amen.

Suzanne Stines (26:35.714)
Yes, something that's been lost, changed, anything like that. Yes, and it is necessary. Yes, we are made to walk through that. But as Christians, we walk through that with Him.

Ruth Hovsepian (26:55.012)
and not alone. It's never alone. No one will understand your grief, the way you grieve and the grief that you're going through. But man, does God understand that the Holy Spirit is with you and helping you through that grieving process. I think it's amazing. I'm so thrilled that

Suzanne Stines (26:56.206)
Yeah, never.

Suzanne Stines (27:14.222)
Yes.

Suzanne Stines (27:19.246)
That's right.

Ruth Hovsepian (27:24.036)
You are where you are and you are walking where the Lord wants you to be. What can you say to those listening today that will encourage them and help them?

Suzanne Stines (27:43.982)
I would say no matter where you are in life, no matter what stage, pursue His presence, His word every day of your life. There will be nothing better that you do day in and day out for yourself than pursuing Him. And when you do, you will realize He's already chasing you with His love, His peace.

His forgiveness. He's got it all right there, just waiting for you. I would walk through all of this again. I would go back to that first die exam and repeat the last six years.

even as awful as it's been in times. I would do it all over again just to experience him and have the relationship with him that I do today.

Ruth Hovsepian (28:48.548)
Amen. Suzanne, I want to thank you for sharing your deeply, deeply personal and inspiring journey with us. Your story is truly a powerful reminder that even in our darkest moments, faith can be a source of immense strength and peace. And yeah, and to our listeners.

Suzanne Stines (28:57.742)
Thank you.

Suzanne Stines (29:09.71)
Yes. Amen.

Ruth Hovsepian (29:16.132)
I hope today's episode has touched your heart and provided you with hope and encouragement. And if you enjoyed this conversation, please subscribe to out of the darkness on your favorite podcast platform. Don't forget to leave us a review and share this episode with others who might need a dose of inspiration today. Until next time, I'm Ruth of Sepian reminding you that even in the darkest of times, there is always a light.

Stay blessed.