Healing From Sexual Brokenness with Teresa Whiting

In this episode, we join forces with Teresa Whiting, author of "Grazed: How God Redeems and Restores the Broken," to delve into the depths of sexual brokenness and the beacon of hope that is divine redemption. We tackle the difficult topics of trauma, addiction, and recovery, illuminating the transformative journey from darkness to healing. Drawing inspiration from the biblical stories of women like Tamar and Bathsheba, we explore Jesus' radical compassion and how it can guide us in modern outreach and ministry efforts. Join us as we discuss the courage in vulnerability, the power of sharing one's story, and the importance of meeting others with empathy where they are—whether in strip clubs or the pews. This episode is a heartfelt call to embrace the love and redemption offered by Jesus and to extend that grace to others on their path to wholeness.

Personal | www.teresawhiting.com
Facebook  | @Teresacampagnawhiting
Podcast | Find Hope Here with Teresa Whiting

✰ SOCIALS ✰
✔Website - https://www.ruthhovsepian.com/
✔Podcast - https://outofthedarknesswithruthhovsepian.buzzsprout.com/
✔Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/ruthhovsepian/
✔Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/ModernDayRuthRedeemed/
✔LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/ruthhovsepian/
✔Speaking - https://www.ruthhovsepian.com/speaking
✔Books - https://www.ruthhovsepian.com/booksruthhovsepian

✰ BUSINESS EMAIL ✰
info@ruthhovsepian.com

✰ MUSIC ✰
hot music - winning-elevation

Transcript

00:17 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
Welcome to Out of the Darkness. With Ruth Hoff Sepien. My guest today is Teresa Whiting, a speaker and the author of Grazed how God Redeems and Restores the Broken. It's an in-depth Bible study revealing God's heart toward six sexually broken women in Scripture and his power to rescue, redeem and restore them. And today we are going off of that book a little bit and we are talking about restoration from sexual brokenness. Welcome, teresa. 

00:50 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
Ruth, thank you so much for having me. It's an honor for me to just be having this conversation with you. 

00:56 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
Well, it is amazing to have you here and your book resonates with me. Your book resonates with me and I always find it so amazing that there I can relate to so many broken women in the Bible and say, wow, it's not just me, I'm not an anomaly, right, and God has seen it and heard it all and and I can leave it at his feet. But before we get into this subject, how do you define sexual brokenness? Because everybody comes at it from a different viewpoint. A little bit, you know they see it differently. How do you see this sexual brokenness that we're talking about? I? 

02:08 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
think the way I would define it is either the things that have happened to you or even the choices that you've made that have serious consequences, or even maybe not serious consequences, but there are consequences heart consequences, emotional, physical, you know. And when you look at sexual brokenness in that light, whether it's been things done to you or things done by you, that's almost all of us, I mean so many women in the world, deal with some form of sexual brokenness and it's it's rampant in our, in our world, and I think it's something that so many of us can relate to. 

02:46 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
I think sometimes we just don't have the vocabulary to use it. I know one of the buzzwords now is trauma. And you know, I'm careful to use it because it's used so often about, you know, to describe certain experiences, but there is true trauma in our lives and we just, I think we need the tools to identify them. 

03:12 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
So yes, I think we're finally getting words to talk about these things. I know, for for me and I'm, and I'm sure, for you for many years in the church, it's like we don't air our dirty laundry and so then you had no place, you had no space to process these horrible things that happened in your life because we don't talk about it. And I just love the fact that between the church and the world, people are opening up and saying no, actually, for healing to take place, for true forgiveness to take place, we got to process, we got to talk about it. We have to name what happened, talk about the pain of it, and then we can move forward in healing. We don't just brush it behind us and say, all right moving on, moving on. 

04:04 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
We're not going to years with sexual promiscuity and with porn. I was an addict to porn and sex and used alcohol as sort of a way to get rid of inhibitions to quiet the Holy Spirit so that you know I filled it with the worldly noise. 

04:24
So for 15 years I led a double life. No one knew. I took my children to church on Sundays. I, you know, did my part and, yeah, those who were closest to me sense that there was something off, that my faith wasn't where it should be, and there were a lot of generational prayers. Now, the sad part about it and I look at it that way now was during my recovery, my journey of sobriety. That was done in secret as well. 

04:58
And no one knew about it and I, to this day, would not have been talking about it now in everything is out in the last three years. But I don't believe that I would have ever talked about my addiction and my journey to sobriety If I had not been pushed and if the Holy Spirit had not intervened and my first book had not been written, because that's when I spilled the beans and couldn't keep it a secret anymore. And I like that because we cannot heal. I don't believe we can fully heal until certain thing. And I'm not talking about being detailed, you know, like going into all the details. I'm not into voyeuristic entertainment. I give enough information to give the person an idea of where I was and what I was involved in. 

05:57
But we do a disservice when we do not give our testimonies and we do not share, because there is always someone that can identify and get something and learn something from you. 

06:13 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
Yeah, and that person is probably feeling like they're the only one and they can't say anything. And so when you step forward and share your testimony, that person feels a little sense of freedom, of like oh wait, I'm not the only one. You know, that's yeah, that's great. 

06:28 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
Yeah, I don't think there's any shame in healing and in in recovery or, you know, stepping out in faith. I think that I was ashamed of it for a long time and I lived in that shame for a long time because it was always in secret, right. So I think coming out of that, out of the secretness of it, you know, and bringing it into the light also got rid of the shame that I felt. I was ashamed for a long time, a long time about it, and it really has been through sharing my testimony, either through my podcast, other people's podcasts, when you put it out there, and I always thank God because when not when someone says to me oh wow, you are brave, it's, I always say it's not me, it's just not me, it's the Holy Spirit is, it's my Lord and Savior, giving me this, the strength to deal with it, but I really encourage people and women specifically, because this is an area we don't talk about too much for women is to share your struggles with someone who is trustworthy and a safe space for you. 

07:47 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
Yeah, and I would emphasize that safe space. I think that's so important to find a safe place where you can share your story, and that does that does loosen shame in so many ways. 

08:00 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
I know that I have going through the scriptures. 

08:04
I have always my story and the story of this woman in the Bible, the woman at the well, the prostitute, whatever you want to call her. I've always identified with her because of my past, because of my past, and it the, the empathy, the love that Jesus showed to this woman brings tears to my even now, you know, brings tears to my eyes Because we go through these experiences in our life and it's our choices right. We the woman at the well and I made those choices on our own. I mean, I don't know her personally, but you know the account of it in the Bible. She made choices that she had to live with, whether it was in her community and the way she was shunned, the way men would treat her, and I think that's what I've always. You know, I always kind of identified my choices right, but the way I was treated was because of those choices. But the love of Jesus is just so calming, so unlike how our society and our churches deal with us and his pursuit of her. 

09:36 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
He went out of his way to find her, to meet her. It's amazing. That story in particular is probably one of my favorite women to talk about, because you think about. In the New Testament everybody was asking Jesus, are you the Messiah? The disciples, the religious leaders, everybody was coming up to him. Are you the Messiah? 

09:59
And the first person he reveals his identity to is this woman at the well, this outcast of society, and he's like. You're the one I'm going to tell the first one. I'm going to tell you that I am the Messiah. It blows my mind. I get chills thinking that Jesus's heart is for women just like her. And then there's so many others. There's the woman caught in adultery and the sinful woman that comes to Simon's house and anoints his feet and while the other guys are all sitting around the table elbowing each other, and what is this woman doing here? And she doesn't belong and basically shaming her. I love in Luke 7, it says Jesus turned toward the woman Like he looked at her. He called her daughter. And it says Jesus turned toward the woman Like he looked at her, he called her daughter. You just see his compassion, his love for these women that have experienced sexual brokenness, and it's so, so beautiful, like you were talking about. 

10:58 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
And you know we're talking about those of us that have made choices of our own and the consequences, right, and the end results of what it was, but that often there are women who, out of their control, have sexual brokenness and we need to address them as well and talk about that and give them the hope of healing. 

11:30 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
Yes, there's so many that have been abused or raped and then a lot of times that leads into poor choices because you feel like, well, I'm just useless or my body's just here to be used by people and you get this warped self-image of. I guess that's what people do, so I might as well just go into that lifestyle myself. But yeah, and there's so many women in scripture too. We read the stories of two Tamars in the Old Testament and Bathsheba, who I 100% believe. Bathsheba was raped. Never once does God implicate her. David saw her. He was the guy on the roof, not her. She was probably in a private little courtyard bathing and he sent and they took her and then she gets pregnant and then her husband is murdered. I mean, it's just the trauma that Bathsheba endured is unbelievable. So you see in scripture so many women that were either put into situations or, like you said, maybe chose situations based on things that had happened to them. And still Old Testament, new Testament, you just see the heart of God to restore and redeem. And here's another thing about these women that I love is that they're not these little hidden stories. These are the people in the line of Jesus. These are people that their name comes up over and over in scripture. These are people that are. Their name comes up over and over in scripture. 

13:06
Rahab is from the book of Joshua and yet you see her name in Hebrews in the hall of faith. You see her name in James. When God is talking about people of faith, he uses Rahab. It's just, you know the people that maybe in church we would be like, yeah, we're not going to really talk about that person. Yeah, they're part of our church, but they sit in the back. No, no, this person's in the like. Bring them up front, let's hear their story. And that's how God is he's. Which is what really set me free from shame. It was understanding God saying you don't have to be ashamed of your story. Look at all these women in scripture and I'm telling their stories for all the world to know. And you're one of them. You belong like, you're part of it, you're part of us and I get. I get really excited when I talk about that. 

13:58 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
No, and I understand you, and I recently had a guest, jenna Smith, who is part of, actually, a Montreal mission and they did a RAFA study here about abuse in the home, in families, in Christian settings, and she said the same thing about, you know, the different women in the Bible and how powerful scripture is and how we see, through each one of the stories, who Jesus is facing and looking towards the hurt, the lowly, the ones who are, you know, looked upon by society as nothing but dirt under their shoes or their sandals. And it really made me think about that, you know, because I've always looked at these stories with you know, a broken heart and said you know, these, these women went through so much. I've always felt the same way about Bathsheba, my poor grandmother, you know, one day we were talking about David, she had, she never watched TV. They never had televisions in their home. But as she got older, someone gave her a VCR that's how far back we're going. 

15:22
A VCR and a TV, a little one, and she would watch Bible movies you know stories from the Bible. And she was watching David one day and she said, wow, david was so handsome. Now here's the disconnect of a generation who or someone who's never watched television, and then all of a sudden they're inundated. I said, grandma, you do realize that's not really. 

15:46
David, it's just a man portraying David, and you know, like she was talking about it. And she started to talk about David and I said you know, grandma, have you ever thought about the fact of what David has done? And she was, yeah, he was a great king and you know all of. And she goes yeah, he was a great king and you know, all of you know from the lineage of Jesus. And I said you do realize that he actually raped a woman, killed a man for sexual pleasure, and I don't blame her and I don't blame her, I'm not making, it was just cute. 

16:41
You know, because many of us look at these stories without right is dig into the word of God, because how do we get that perspective of, you know, the woman, the adulterous woman, what would have her life been like back in that time, unless we dig into the word of God and do our own research and our own studies and say, yeah, that would have been a life how so different than this glamorized version of prostitutes today. And you know, they don't even call them prostitutes, they call them whatever you know? 

17:20 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
Yeah, I think about the like you're talking about with scripture. You know, I think when I first became a Christian, I just imagined the Bible was filled with all these holy people, you know, with their little halos over their heads and they're all so wonderful. And then I started reading it and I'm like, wait, this is like a Jerry Springer show, like these people are messed up, what is the deal? And I'm like, oh, they're like us. They're just like us. They have struggles like we do and they go through things and they sin and they screw up just like we do. And it's really, you know, it's so beautiful the way scripture is painting the picture of people in their real life. And I was talking to somebody recently on my podcast actually, about why these stories like people think God is I think the word is misogynistic. You know God? 

18:17 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
is male chauvinist. 

18:18 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
And she's like no, actually the Bible is just reporting. It's not prescribing how we should live. It's it's describing how people did live and it's not saying this is how we should conduct ourselves. It's like this is how people are conducting themselves and it's not endorsing that, but it's painting a picture of reality, and so I love how scripture paints people in their real life. It's not the Facebook version of everybody's life. It's not the Instagram Like here's the highlight reel. It's like no, here's all the dirt. Here it is. 

18:51 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
Yeah, and it really speaks to you know, when we, as believers, say give it over to the Lord, he understands he's been there, he's experienced it that we're not just, you know, blindly going into this. There really is evidence of how Jesus was met with all of these situations, you know. Look at, you know, when he went up to pray for 40 days, 40 nights, the temptations he dealt with. If you really think about that Now I fast, I'm a faster and you know, sometimes I make it through to the timeframe that I have set for myself and other times I can't make it 24 hours. It's mind blowing that, you know, for 40 days and nights he went through this. He was tempted, he was in the flesh at that point and yet he knew what it meant. You know, and that's why, when I hear, you know, the comments, especially today, right, the Bible is this. You know we live in a patriarchal. What is it? Patriarchy? Patriarchy and misogyny and all of these things. All you know, all the key words. 

20:17
You know, like the buzzwords, that we're hearing about, without any of them really taking that amount of time that they spend in these subjects looking into the word of God, and that is what just boggles my mind is you're. You are accusing how, Because someone told you that Experience it for yourself, you can experience it for yourself. 

20:59 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
Yeah. 

21:01 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
I don't know. I struggle with this today. 

21:04 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
Yeah, and I think, too, people who have those views of God really don't know who he is. I mean, they just don't know him. I've been reading through the Bible this year and I've been I don't know partway through the Old Testament and, yeah, there's a lot of judgment, there's a lot of God pronouncing consequences for sin. But what I've noticed over and over and over and over, god saying, if you will just turn to me, I'm so eager to forgive and embrace and restore you, and it's just constant. And he says so many times they will be my people and I will be their God. And I think that's the whole story of scripture is God pursuing and pursuing and pursuing us, no matter what our story is, no matter what we've walked through or been through. God's like I want to be your God and you'll be my people. And so the people who are just seeing God as vindictive or unkind, they're missing a major part of the story. And I just was like wait, read the whole thing. 

22:16
Read it all You'll understand his heart is for you. 

22:21 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
Yeah, and you know, I think that those of us and, as you said at the beginning, many of us have gone through something. We need to get back that, that excitement, that that joy, and put that out there and stop judging the sinner and and and judging the sin. Right, we don't like the sin, but yesterday I was talking with someone and I said you know, we pick and choose the sins in the Christian community that we will stand up and fervently speak about and oppose. That we will stand up and fervently speak about and oppose. That is such a disservice to the saving grace of our Lord and Savior because he came for all sin. And when I pick and choose and I say that that person who has same sex attraction is a sinner, but I don't turn around, turn my head around to that person who is having an adulterous affair with someone who is not their spouse. What is the difference between them? 

23:43 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
Right. 

23:45 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
And this is what we've done in the churches. You know I'm a divorced mom of three and I know I was picked as someone that they needed to make an example of in the church. 

24:00
Because I went against what they believed. I went against what I shook their faith. Maybe I don't know, I don't have an explanation of it why there was such a rage within the church when I went through it. It could be because I was a pastor's kid, it could be any number of things. It's decades ago, but I only point that out because we need to be cautious. Rather than winning over people to the Lord, we're pushing them away with our words and our actions. 

24:42
I don't know. What do you say? How do you deal with this, Teresa? What do we tell the churches? How do we deal with this? 

24:51 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
That's a tough one. I do think it starts with recognizing our own sin and what we've been rescued from. I mean, who are we to stand in judgment on people when we ourselves are in need of rescue? And, I think, when we can grasp the grace of God toward ourselves and I think that's hard, I think a lot of us, even though we talk about that, we're saved by grace. I think we feel like we have to earn it and so we clean everything up and we do everything right in quotes, air quotes, you know and then we turn around and feel judgment towards others, when it's the blood of Jesus that rescues us and that rescues our same-sex attracted neighbor and that rescues anybody else in any sin. That's where the grace is and I think I don't know, I think just calling people back to the gospel. And who is Jesus and where would he be hanging out? 

25:55
I recently I went to a strip club for the first time with a couple of women who. That's their ministry. They go into the strip clubs and they minister to these women. They go in the locker room and they give out hygiene products and they bring gifts for them and they're building relationships. And I think so often I mean, if you would have asked me 10 years ago, would you ever do that? I would have been like no way. And yet why not? Like? Those are women who obviously they've been through something because they're doing work that nobody really wants to do, and so they have a story. 

26:37
I think that's the other thing, ruth, that I would say is that everybody has a story, and I think until we take the time to hear people's stories, we don't have a heart for them. We might sit in judgment on them or think something about them, but I love to ask why, before what, instead of saying what are you doing why? What is your story that led you to this lifestyle? What is it in your life that makes you do the things that you do, or whatever? I think being curious about people having compassion, remembering our own brokenness, all of those things. Isn't that like what Jesus wants us to do? That's what he did, it's how he treated people and I don't know. Sometimes I feel like we have strayed so far from that. 

27:28 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
But just getting back to the basics, it's almost as though compassion is not part of our. It's almost as though compassion is not part of our DNA anymore. We have to work on that, build on that, have empathy for people, and I love that. You know asking, you know why, or you know as opposed to why are you? You know, like, why? Why are you here? What happened? 

27:52
You know, give them that hug that they need. I understand and I know that I'm sure people let me not presume, but do you ever get kicked back for the fact that you went into a strip club to minister, Because I have a story for that one. 

28:06 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
Well, actually nobody really knows about it, except that I put it on my podcast a couple weeks ago. So I'm like, well, we'll see how that goes. But really, the feedback I've gotten I had one woman email me the other night and she was like that really stirred something in my heart. Maybe God's leading her into a ministry like that. I haven't had a lot of negative pushback, but I haven't had a lot of conversations about it either. 

28:29 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
I'd be curious to know you know later on. Only, the reason I ask you this is because I had a conversation with someone and I said you know we need to go to the places where the sinners are not expect them to come to us. And I got a lot of kickback for that and flack for that because, no, we cannot go. And I know that someone who is a recovering alcoholic should not go into a bar until they are on the other side of healing. They have sobriety and they have accountability. I understand all of that, but who better than the person who would wake up in his vomit to go out? 

29:18
and, minister, who better than I to go to the prostitute, to go to the stripper and talk to them and show them the possibilities out there for them, through Christ. 

29:37 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
Yes, yes, and that's kind of why. Actually, that's why I went, because I said here I've written this Bible study on sexually broken women. I go around the country, I speak about sexual brokenness, I'm like, but am I even interacting with women? Yes, everywhere, everywhere I go, there are women who say that's my story. I was abused, I was raped, I was this. But the women who are stuck in a really terrible situation, where are they? Why am I sitting around just handing this book out and like I want to be face to face with those women, right, and I and I think it's the study is probably a little too in depth Like I wouldn't walk into a strip club and hand that book to it, to somebody who's in that lifestyle, because I think they'd be like what in the world is this Cause? It's pretty deep dive Bible study, but I think to go in and hear their story, to develop relationships, to have compassion, to say this this is not who you have to be and this doesn't have to define you, you know. 

30:50 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
I mean, look at Jesus. Who did he sup with, who did he spend time with and who were the Pharisees condemn? You know why were the Pharisees pointing and say you know, jesus, the man who, who hangs out with tax collectors and prostitutes. 

31:06
Yes you know, and I think you know. I just want to say this because I know I'm going to get at least one person comment about this. I'm not saying that everybody is made out or has that ability to go to these different difficult areas and, minister, I'm not that naive, I understand. You know, someone who grew, who's experienced life very differently than I have, will not be comfortable, and I don't. I don't, it's not an accusatory thing that I'm saying. I'm not pointing my finger saying shame, shame. It's just we're all in different places, right and right. 

31:50
I think that's what is so beautiful about the family of God. We come into the you know and I use this when, when I speak always we're all on the same journey, just on in different places of the journey, at different, you know, entry points. We all come into the journey from different points, but we're all exiting at the same place, we're all going to the same place, and I think that this is what is so important. God has given you a message. You need to use your message out there, sharing, loving on people and and I get excited, you know, I, I have never been as happy I and it's not to say that I have no worries. I have never been as happy, and it's not to say that I have no worries. I have elderly parents. I have family members who are unwell. I have concerns. I have children. I pray for my children. I don't have the perfect life, teresa, but I've never had this peace. I can't explain it, I can't. 

33:02 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
Right right. 

33:03 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
You know what I mean. It's just I, I have a peace that well, there you go, the peace that passes all understanding how it's, because I know that, even when I'm in tears and crying and praying about someone that my all knowing God, you know, the compassionate God has it in his control and I have faith in that. That's what faith is, you know, following without seeing the evidence, right? 

33:36 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
Yeah. 

33:38 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
That's what it is. I don't, what would you say about it? Let me back up, let me formulate my question a little bit. Can you talk to the woman or the man who is listening today who has experienced this sexual brokenness that we're talking about? And, as we said, this sexual brokenness may be different, it is different for every one of us but what can you say to them? To give them maybe, the tools to walk away today and say I'm worthy of what Teresa and Ruth have talked about? 

34:26 - Teresa Whiting (Guest)
I think I would let them know that what happened to them does not define them, or even what they chose to do, that those are not the things that define you. Those are not the things that define you, that you're not alone, that you're part of a vast line of people that God has used over the centuries. He is still using people just like you. As a matter of fact, I think God is pursuing you, and if you're hearing voices of shame, or you're not worthy or you're not, this okay, right, I'm. None of us Not one of us is worthy. We don't earn the love of Christ. That's why he came for us, because we weren't worthy. 

35:07
But he is and he puts his. When we come to faith in him. He puts his righteousness on us. So when God looks at us, he doesn't see Teresa, the abused person, or Ruth, the one who has this sexual brokenness. He sees the blood of Jesus, his son, and that is what cleanses us, it's what makes us whole, and God's heart is restoration. 

35:31
Like you're saying, the peace that you have, the joy that you have, that comes from being clean and being washed in Jesus' blood and knowing that it's not about me getting myself together, cleaning myself up. That's a work that God does in our lives over time for the rest of our lives. But you don't have to clean yourself up to come to him. You'd come as you are. He's got his arms stretched wide, saying come to me, come to me. And then we come into relationship with him and he begins that healing process, and I think it's. 

36:07
He uses all kinds of things to heal us. He uses therapy, he uses other friends or trustworthy people, he uses sisters and podcasts like this to bring healing into our lives, to where someday we look back and we say, wow, I never thought I would be where I am today. But you don't have to know that. You just know one more step. One more step is like go into the arms of Jesus, like he's waiting for you, he loves you, he gave his life for you to redeem, to restore, and then all we have to do is look at scripture and you see, over and over and over, the people that God has used are people just like you and me. 

36:52 - Ruth Hovsepian (Host)
Teresa, thank you so much for being on Out of the Darkness today and, to my friends, let me remind you that your likes your comments, your subscribing to the podcast on your favorite podcast streaming platform or YouTube makes a world of difference to getting the message to others, and I really recommend you share this episode with someone you know who is dealing with sexual brokenness and with a situation such as we talked about today, and let's grow our community. Check out the show notes for Teresa's contact information, including her book and her podcast and her ministry. Thank you, thank you, ruth.