Out of the Darkness with Ruth Hovsepian

Breaking Free from Body Image Struggles and Shame with Laura Acuña

• Ruth Hovsepian/Laura Acuna • Season 1 • Episode 36

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Join me as I talk with Laura Acuña about her incredible journey to becoming spiritually and emotionally mature. Laura shares her story of gaining 100 pounds in just a year and a half when she was 11 years old and how this set her on a path of dieting roller coasters, shame, and feeling less than others. We also discuss the impact of growing up overweight and the expectations placed on us by others and ourselves. Don't miss Laura's insights on her newest book, Still Becoming, which offers hope, help, and healing for the diet-weary soul.


Additionally, we explore my personal experience with trauma and eating disorder therapy and how seeking help led me to a specific type of therapy. We discuss the taboo perception of therapy in the Christian community and the importance of investing in the healing process to move forward. Listen in as Laura, and I chat about healing and redemption through faith in God, the invaluable support of loved ones, and the power of reading the Word of God for yourself. This episode is packed with raw honesty, powerful stories, and transformative truths you won't miss.


Connect with Laura Acuña:

Book - Still Becoming: Hope, Help, and Healing for the Diet-Weary Soul - https://shorturl.at/fikuV
Podcast -  Still Becoming: Helping You Move From Where You Are to Where You Want To Be - https://shorturl.at/msKM5
Website, - https://laura-acuna.com/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/LauraAcunaChristianspeaker

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0:00:00 - Speaker 1
When I was 11 years old, out of the blue sky, i gained 100 pounds in the span of about a year and a half. I was in seventh grade. I went into seventh grade at 100 pounds. I came out of the ninth grade well over 200 pounds. I don't know how much over, because I stopped weighing myself. It was like a bomb went off and everything changed. ["the. 

0:00:23 - Speaker 2
Hi, i'm Ruth Hovsepian. Welcome to the Out of the Darkness podcast, where we help you navigate life's trials based on faith and biblical truths. Laura Acuna is a speaker, author, bible teacher, podcast host and coach. She served as a women's ministry leader for over 22 years. A graduate of Liberty University, she earned a degree in Christian counseling and a minor in biblical studies. She's the co-founder of Sisters in Faith Ministries, a nonprofit ministry to women in the Damascus, Maryland area. Married to Pat, the two are the parents of three sons and one daughter in love. They became first time grandparents to Evelyn Grace in 2021. Laura challenges her sisters to go up, to become spiritually and emotionally mature. Her new book Still Becoming Hope, help and Healing for the Diet Weary Soul was published in December 2022. Welcome, laura, to Out of the Darkness today. I am thrilled to have you here and to talk about your journey and your story. 

0:01:40 - Speaker 1
Thanks for having me. I always look forward to the opportunity to serve women, to help women on their journey. 

0:01:46 - Speaker 2
And I think that this is such an amazing opportunity for all of us. in this day and age, with the opportunity to write books, to be on podcasts, to share online with social media, i think this is awesome for all of us. 

0:02:05 - Speaker 1
It's been a wonderful part of the book launch for me. 

0:02:08 - Speaker 2
Isn't it? Yeah, and I've watched you and I've seen all the amazing things that you have been doing and your story And what an amazing story that you have I think it is It resonates with me in so many different ways. So let's start with you telling us a little bit about yourself and what got you on the journey to where you are today. 

0:02:33 - Speaker 1
Wow. well, i'm 64 years old, so I'll give you the reader's digest version because there's a lot of years in there. But I guess I'll tell you that I was born and raised in Maryland. I've lived in the same basic area my entire life. I was born right outside of Washington DC. My father worked in DC And so the suburbs, and I've been here ever since I'm married to Pat. We've been married 40 years. this November We have 30, that's good. We have three sons. I don't know what I do with three sons. 

0:03:05 - Speaker 2
It must have felt like 30 at some point. 

0:03:08 - Speaker 1
We have three sons and one daughter in love, who I adore, and we have a almost two-year-old granddaughter named Evie. So life is full, and I guess what I wanna share with you about my ministry is that for many years I've been serving women almost 25 years now, helping women as I learn myself to become spiritually and emotionally mature And it's been a long journey, and one of the most painful aspects of my journey and you know this from your own story, ruth is the one I never thought I'd really actually tell or teach on. It's the one that I always held back on. I'd share so many things about my life, but that was something that I just didn't think I could do. But then God put me on the healing path. 

So, in a nutshell, when I was 11 years old, out of the blue sky, i gained 100 pounds in the span of about a year and a half. I was in seventh grade. I went into seventh grade at 100 pounds. I came out of the ninth grade well over 200 pounds I don't know how much over, because I stopped weighing myself. It was like a bomb went off and everything changed. Everything changed for me And it set me on a course of the dieting roller coaster, the yoyo dieting, hating my body, viewing it as my sworn enemy, feeling less than all of those things, with a huge heap of shame poured on top that I carried with me until only a few years ago, when the Lord set me free. 

0:04:43 - Speaker 2
You know it, as I said before we started recording. 

It resonates your story with me so much because I didn't have that sudden weight gain, but from the day I can remember, i remember people talking about my weight and how cute I was, how chubby I was, and then, of course, as you get older, the cuteness factor sort of goes away and you just become and I'm, i was, i'm tall, i'm 5'9", you know 5'8", and I hit that before I even left elementary school. 

So you know, here I was overweight and honestly, laura, when I look back at my pictures, i was. You know, i, yes, i was not probably the ideal weight, but I wasn't what I thought I looked like and I think that that is. Isn't that what we all struggle with? right? and we look at ourselves and before we go into the book because I really would love to talk, i want to talk about your book that you wrote, and I just want to touch on this that we look at ourselves so differently than other people do and we have. You know, many of us have grown up with expectations set on us by others, but I have found, as I've gotten older, that the expectations that I set on myself were greater and harder to overcome than any other expectation in my life so that's where the shame comes in yes, 100%. 

But I want to go to this amazing book that you have written by the title of still becoming hope, help and healing for the diet weary soul, which is a 31-day devotional. So can you tell me what inspired you to write this book? 

0:06:54 - Speaker 1
I wanted to help women, i found I felt that I'd found something out about this journey that had never occurred to me before, and that is that you can be free before ever losing a pound. It's a shocking statement, but it's true, and this book comes out of about four years of pretty intense therapy that I had for disordered eating, body image, grief and trauma. And that's the book. Everything in the book is what I learned along the way on the healing path, and I couldn't wait to share it with other women because it was so healing for me and so freeing for me to understand that that it really is what goes on between our ears. It's how we think about our bodies and how we think about our life that matters, and the Lord says he will transform us by the renewing of our mind, and he does, and there's freedom at the end of that and we have to allow him in to do that in our lives. 

0:07:56 - Speaker 2
But why did you choose? why still becoming? because I, i know, because I've heard you speak about it, but just to share with my audience as well. Why still becoming? 

0:08:09 - Speaker 1
because that's the Christian journey we are always becoming. We will it's, it's the churchy word sanctification. You're always becoming more and more like Jesus if we're doing it right. You know I just heard you say I was listening to you this morning. You said for your on your journey, it's a couple steps forward and a couple steps back and that is the still becoming journey. It's never perfect, but there's grace for all of it yeah, and and how? 

0:08:39 - Speaker 2
how will someone who buys your book and reads your book and uses this the 31 day devotional, how will this help them in their own journey? or they may not even know that this is what they need to do. How will this help them? 

0:08:55 - Speaker 1
the first thing I do is I ask women to lay down dieting for the 31 days, to walk away from it for 31 days. But I want to be very clear, and I do make this clear in the book the dieting mindset is so full of legalism, it's all or nothing thinking, and so it's a free country. I say this over and over again you have autonomy over your own body. The dieting mindset tells you otherwise at the dieting industry has to say over your body, but you do so. I want women to be empowered to make their own decisions. So if they can't, don't, want to or whatever, that's fine. 

There's no legalism in this. But when we lay that down just for 31 days, just like some, some programs ask you to lay down sugar or walk away from alcohol or what you know, whatever, whatever, it gets your mind focused on something else. And what I'm asking women to do is focus on how they think and what God says about them as his feminine creation. I I spend a lot of time in the book about the dieting mindset, the dieting industry, reconnecting with our body, learning, learning what hungry feels like and what full feels like, because we don't always know that I didn't. 

0:10:05 - Speaker 2
But I also touch on aging and beauty and finding your voice and all those things that women struggle with, because it's all coming from the same place, all of it yeah, it's interesting what you you said about starting this, and I have also found that those of us that have addictions whether it's, you know, i always say, whether it's to food or to alcohol, to sex, to exercise, it doesn't matter, we all have something. It could be to coffee, it could be to fame, right, but I've had people say to me you know, you need to talk to so-and-so and and tell them that they need to start their own journey and recover or lose weight or do this. I don't agree with that, because unless you yourself are ready to commit to this, it doesn't matter how many tips and tricks you you read about or try, it will not work absolutely. 

0:11:14 - Speaker 1
We all come to a tipping point yeah, what was your tipping point, laura? 

mine was to two deaths in a row in my family and my friends. My mother died suddenly and I'm her only daughter. I was the only granddaughter, the first born in the whole family. My parents were only children, it was. It was profound. I mean, any losing your mom is always profound, but my relationship with her was so close and it was so shocking. And then, three months later, my dearest friend, who I'd known since we were babies we'd stay close our whole lives also passed away suddenly. So I had these two. It was like I lost my mother and my sister at the same time right and I, and then I took care of my father. 

So what happened basically was I just couldn't stuff it anymore. I could not, i could not, i was. I've always been able to slap a smile on it and keep going. I could not do it. And I remember saying to God I can't, it's too much, it's too much. And he said it is, it is, give it to me. I heard it loud and clear in my spirit and I did. I gave it to him And with just within a few days of that revelation I was. You know, i was trying to find a therapist that specialized in women like me. I'd had therapy before for other things like general therapy. That was very helpful, but this needed something very specific And it was the answer for me. That and, of course, god's glorious grace. 

0:12:45 - Speaker 2
Let's talk a little bit about therapy, because there's a bit of a taboo still even in the 21st century, about Christians and going to therapy, and I know that I personally struggled with that And, to be truthful, i did not have therapy until 2023. And it was because of many different things. You know the way the perception of it is that, as a Christian, you lay it at his feet, at Christ's feet, and all will be well. Therapy is, you know, mumbo jumbo, it's whatever. It's not Christ-like. 

There's so many different things, but I know that when I met with my therapist, he laughed and he said Ruth, you are eight years sober, why are you here? And I said to him it's because I just need to talk about a few things that I dare not talk to anyone else about. There's just too much in me that I cannot speak to anyone else, not because I don't trust them, not because I can't take them to the Lord, but it's just so dark. And so Let's just say it's just so dark that I need to speak to someone about it that is not here to judge me or will judge me or will look at me with pity, or whatever it is. How do you encourage women, laura to seek therapy and have therapy, and how should they look for the right therapist? 

0:14:46 - Speaker 1
I have a. In the back of the book I have a page dedicated to some tips on how to find a good therapist and some questions to ask. One of the things I just wanna say up front is that what I've noticed is a lot of women will go to therapy. It'll be talk therapy, nothing wrong with that but it doesn't do the trick. 

You know, either the therapist isn't good, you know, or equipped right for what's going on, or you haven't shared enough so the therapist doesn't know the whole story, or you know so many factors. So right up front you said it earlier we have to cooperate with the process, and so I encourage women keep trying till you find the right person. but don't quit too soon either, because it takes a lot to get in that groove with somebody where you're comfortable and you know whether it's a good fit or not. So just because you've had a bad experience, don't give up, because it's precious. it's a precious time. So women tend to go to Bible study groups, small groups, and we wear everybody out because we wanna talk, you know, we wanna share, we're hurting. 

0:15:50 - Speaker 2
It's the truth, though it is the truth. 

0:15:53 - Speaker 1
It is, and so therapy is the appropriate place for that because, just as you said, it's non-judgmental. You're not gonna wear the therapist out. It's confidential. They're not gonna be shocked by anything that comes out of your mouth. They are in a healing profession, they've heard it all and they've been highly trained, the good ones to help you reframe your thinking about your life and what has happened to you, what you've done, what's been done to you. All of that We have nothing to fear, because God created the brain and science backs up God's creation, and the brain, like any other organ in your body, will heal. It will heal. 

0:16:34 - Speaker 2
Yeah, i believe it, you know, because I never thought, you know, like eight years ago I did not, I could not see the light, or I never thought that I would have peace, because we all have different issues to deal with. Some people don't realize that it may not just be that they have this issue with food. It could be so much deeper, right, and we're talking about today food because this is the journey that you are on. But again, i really wanna reiterate to those listening it could be anything. We're all struggling with something We all need help to move right and to change. 

0:17:28 - Speaker 1
We do, and also food is just one way it manifests. I mean, another little girl in my exact same situation, at age 11, might be drinking out of the liquor cabinet in her parents' dining room. You know, another little girl's cutting herself. Someone else is, you know, sleeping around or what. It's all the same thing. It's just. for whatever reason, we turn to different coping mechanisms. But the truth is we don't need those coping mechanisms anymore because we're grown-ups, we're adults, We're daughters of Jesus Christ and the good Lord and we have better tools than that When our emotions come up. 

0:18:10 - Speaker 2
Sorry, there is so much in this subject, that is I'm just going. How can we, as adult women I don't wanna say older women, adult women, adult women or women who have young girls or boys, because this affects boys as well, but let's just say girls in our lives, They can be our daughters, nieces, church girls How can we be observant or how can we keep an eye on our girls and make sure that they're not hurting themselves? Because, as you said, it could be hurting in many different ways. Right, they manifested in different ways. 

0:18:59 - Speaker 1
So I have sons, but I have many, many good friends who have daughters and, as I've written the book, we've walked through this together as they've dealt with their daughters And so I've learned a lot, and I have a granddaughter now, so I'm very sensitive to that now as well, and I would say this I cannot even imagine what the culture must be doing to our girls right now, completely different than the dark ages when I grew up and it was hard then. 

Hard It's been hard on women since the beginning of time This body image thing, these expectations, the beauty thing, the aging thing. So it's really really hard, and what I would say is that at any sign of trouble moms this is what I've seen my girlfriends do They've been brave, especially with an eating disorder, because the word on the street is that they always blame the mother, and so moms are afraid to take their child for eating disorder treatment because they're afraid they're gonna be blamed. Maybe mom does have some behaviors that she's doesn't really wanna deal with. We have to be brave for our girls and get them help early. What happened to me and again it was 1970. We didn't have what we have now, tool-wise or help-wise, but everybody just panicked. And I believe that part of my issue was simply puberty. I put on some weight and then everyone panicked And so then it went from there. Then it became a coping mechanism, but I think quite naturally at age 11, some girls put on weight. 

0:20:36 - Speaker 2
And we have gone now from one extreme to the other extreme And I am seeing this across social media where we are accepting unhealthy behavior. And, as you see, i'm hesitating because I know some people will take you know they're not gonna like what I say but I think that we should not be encouraging bad behavior, whether it is to be skinny or whether to accept obesity. 

0:21:15 - Speaker 1
I'm with you. 

0:21:19 - Speaker 2
I am struggling with this because, as someone who has struggled with addictions of all sorts and one of them is struggling with my weight and it's a lifelong battle And as you've been through it and many people listening are going through it society goes from one extreme to the other extreme And I always say I just want to be healthy, i want to be around to enjoy my children, my grandchildren. And I found myself you know, i was, you know, sober, and yet I could not enjoy my family, i could not go out with my children. I mean, granted, they were adults by that time, but I still could not go out with them because I couldn't walk, i couldn't do anything, i felt just horrible. So we need to be very sensitive about guiding our children, those around us, for healthy behavior, not these extremes. You know, and I know the fear we have, but I think we need to just be cognizant of this and what society is. As you said, society is really pushing and making it difficult for our young people. 

0:22:52 - Speaker 1
And we don't solve problems, we just accept it. We, like you said, we swing to the other side. Okay, now it's total everything And you know we don't ever solve the problem. That doesn't solve the problem. If I cannot walk to my mailbox because I can't walk, that is not healthy And that is not God's best for me. You know I don't have to be lifting, you know, 500 pounds at age 64, but if I can't get down the floor with my granddaughter and play with her, if I can't walk her around the floor you know when she's crying if I can't walk from my car to the store any of that, it's not healthy. 

If we're out of, breath if our heart is in danger, if our doctors are telling us, you know you need to take some weight up, but that's a completely different thing than being body obsessed and being, you know, freaking out when the scale goes up a pound and weighing obsessively. Food is good, food is bad. That's I mean starting with our children. As women, we have to get rid of our dieting language around our girls. You know, and I mean I know from working through this with so many women. I mean the things that moms have said to them is unbelievable, you know, over the years. You just wonder how could you speak to? 

your daughter like that. 

0:24:13 - Speaker 2
I think that that is true. You know, generational language has to be changed, and not just for food but for a lot of things. And you know, i really truly believe that what we tell our children who they are mold them to be. That If we constantly tell our children you're lazy, you're slow to grasp something or you know, and I think parents do the best within what they know what to do with. But you know, my poor parents had two girls seven years apart, and here I am as a tomboy, as much a tomboy as you can possibly think possible. So my parents encouraged that tomboyishness and when my sister came along and she got older, she became the studious one, the academic, and I became the tomboy and the clown. Now, everybody's personality is different. My personality said Ruth, this is who you are Like. 

Someone else may have heard that and not done what I did, but I took that and made myself even more funny. So to you know, i'm doing air quotes for those that are listening. But I thought, you know, by being funny I was making people accept me and see, and it became self-deprecating my jokes. Because, you know, if I made fun of my weight before someone else did, it wasn't as painful you know, but yes, we need to be careful of how and what we say our children. How did your family, and maybe your friends, support you when you started on this journey, laura? 

0:26:20 - Speaker 1
Well, my husband has just been a champ. I mean, i mean he always has been. And you know, of course, during these years when I was floundering around as a young woman, i dated some. some guys that you know put a lot of pressure on me to be very thin. I'd starve myself. 

I'd get thin, they would say. One of them I can remember saying to me well, you're still fat. I was a size five. Okay, i mean I thought what else can I do for you? What else can I do? So thankfully I didn't marry that that boy. I married someone else and he loved me the way I am, the way whatever. He just wants me to be happy and healthy And he supports me completely And he's loved me all different sizes and all different ages now. So that has been invaluable. I mean, he's just, i couldn't do this without my husband. 

0:27:12 - Speaker 2
Yeah, what a blessing. 

0:27:14 - Speaker 1
Oh my gosh, it really, and I don't take that lightly. I will say this, though And I say this, i think, in the book, if I remember correctly I know I say it when I speak it didn't change anything as far as healing me, because your husband can't heal you. He can support you on the path, and having a supportive husband is a gift, but he can't heal you. He's not God. Only God can heal what he's created. So, ultimately, it was between me and God. My sons have been wonderful and supportive and great. My friends have been really awesome. I haven't had anybody in my tribe say anything to me that would hurt me or scare me off, you know, or anything like that. Everyone's been really wonderful. It's been really great. 

0:28:01 - Speaker 2
We've all learned together. And that's what it is right. When, as a family, we can, we learn from each other. We're open to to that. Why are you so passionate about this message that you have? You know you are passionate enough to to write the book, to be out here talking about it. What is it that gives you this passion? 

0:28:30 - Speaker 1
I believe that when God heals you from something, it's like the Samaritan woman you just got to run and tell everybody what he did. You're compelled to tell And, as I said earlier, i have spoken on many, many topics over the years about women becoming free from false beliefs and faulty thinking and broken filters and you know all kinds of limiting beliefs, but I never thought I would get this far into this And it's what he has me doing And I am not the same person I was five years ago. I'm not. I'm so grateful that he would do this for me at my age, after so many years of suffering, that he would allow me to share with other women. One of the things that has been sort of hard for me although he has really given me the ability to do it, but I'm mindful of it is showing up as myself you know, showing up and saying I'm not a Barbie doll. 

I'm not a Barbie doll, you know I am not. But here I am. And the little voice of the shamer, you know, wanted to say to me who's going to listen to you, who's going to read your book? But the Lord, he covered me and I've been able to do it. But I think that more and more, as women, we have to show up as ourselves and say this is me, i want to tweak my body, i want to be healthier. I'm working on it, i'm still becoming, but dag on it, i am absolutely 100% acceptable just the way I am. Period. 

0:30:02 - Speaker 2
Yeah, and I think the first step to that is if we accept ourselves for who we are. 

0:30:07 - Speaker 1
And love ourselves with God's word. Yes, yes, the transforming power I had. You know, i had EMDR therapy for trauma. All the part of this is is imagery and reciting truth to yourself. While this therapy is happening, i always recited scripture to myself to implant the truth of God's word into my brain. It's, it's powerful. It's not just words on a page. It changes your life. 

0:30:36 - Speaker 2
Yeah, i. That resonates with me so much because if it wasn't for God's word, if it wasn't for my time praying to him through my healing process, even talking about it makes me very emotional because I don't know how I would have done it, where I would be today. Because, yeah, we don't see, we don't see the future right. We're so embedded in that difficult time in our lives. But the moment, as you said, i turn to the Lord and into the scriptures, a whole new world opened up. And it wasn't like it was a new world to me, laura. I'm, i grew up in the church on the product of that, you know that, that church in generational prayer. And yet it was only when I opened the scriptures up for myself. 

0:31:47 - Speaker 1
That's it, you said it. 

0:31:49 - Speaker 2
Yeah, and I cannot emphasize that enough Read the word of God for yourself. It's great to listen to podcasts Hey, listen to this podcast, listen to Laura's podcast but spend time in the word of God. You know and learn the truth for yourself and then add to it. You know it's. It's great to hear other people. Sorry, i'm getting off my soapbox because I'm with you. 

0:32:18 - Speaker 1
I'm climbing up there with you because it is life changing. There is no other way. 

0:32:24 - Speaker 2
There's no other way There isn't, there isn't, and no matter what what recovery program you're in, unless you marry that with the word of God, i don't know how happy you will be. You may, you will come out of that recovery program, but the joy in your heart is only given to you through the word of God and through Christ. 

0:32:52 - Speaker 1
So and also he takes away. So when we come out of recovery and we look back on our lives and we see the damage, we see the bad choices. We we see what we missed, what we missed out. On that we can never undo Like we cannot go back and relive those years. 

0:33:10 - Speaker 2
No. 

0:33:11 - Speaker 1
The good Lord takes your shame away, and I mean you're able to not live in regret. It's not that you don't acknowledge the truth I mean the Lord is truth but somehow he enables you and infuses you through his word, through prayer, through the body of Christ, to go on and not live like lots, wife, looking back, you know, and saying, oh gosh, i really made a mess of it. No, we have life to live, yeah, and if we take what we want yeah, exactly. 

0:33:42 - Speaker 2
And. And if we take what we've gone through and been through and use it to glorify and talk about the redemption and the joy that we get, that is worth it. You know, and, and and I'm asked about this, and I'm sure you are asked about it and I say, if Christ can use me, a broken sinner, i will. I will open up and let him direct me for the first time in my life, or. I do not know what the end goal is. I know what my mission is, my commission, as all believers, is to go out and tell about salvation, but I don't know, like I've known in the past, because I'm a detailed person, i do not know the end goal. I only know that today, this is what I meant to be doing sitting here and talking with you about this amazing story that We all are sharing. I think it's just important to do that. 

0:34:56 - Speaker 1
It's also part of our own recovery. 

0:34:59 - Speaker 2
It is 100 percent. 

0:35:02 - Speaker 1
Yeah, for sure. 

0:35:03 - Speaker 2
What is one of the most important lessons that you learned over your journey? 

0:35:11 - Speaker 1
There's so many. Well, i'd say, first of all, i've learned that it's never too late for God to write a new story. 

I mean that is a huge one, and in my age group I'm seeing a lot of women who believe that it is over. There's nothing left. They've raised their kids, they, you know, i'm just going to cruise until the end And I've learned that is not biblical and that is not true. That is not true I. You don't know what your future holds, but while you were talking, i would like one thing's for sure You're going to leave it all in the field You are going to. He's going to use every bit of you until he takes you to heaven, and I want him to use every bit of me. I don't want to be someone who says well, this is just how I am, nope, nope, i'm still becoming, i'm growing, i'm becoming more sanctified as I go along And I'm going to participate in the process until there's no time left. 

0:36:05 - Speaker 2
So that's what. 

0:36:06 - Speaker 1
I've learned I come from a family of never's. So you know my mother, my grandmothers, you know they'll never, they'll never, she'll never, you'll never. You know. They just had that mindset And even as a tiny little girl I didn't believe that I can remember writing. This is funny. I was telling my husband this the other day. I can remember writing on my notebooks in elementary school a line from the Cinderella show that was on TV was Rodgers and Hammerstein. Cinderella and the fairy godmother sang a song to Cinderella called It's possible, things are happening every day. And I would write that line on my notebook. And then, as I got to know the Lord, it was, for nothing is impossible with God. I replaced it with scripture, but I believe that I live that And I think that was the greatest lesson. I mean there's so many lessons, but I think that's the greatest one. 

0:37:00 - Speaker 2
And at this point in your life, in your journey, what are you most excited about? 

0:37:09 - Speaker 1
Oh gosh. well, personally, i'm most excited about grandchildren. I love, i love having a granddaughter and having three sorry, having three boys. Man, it's everywhere in here. Yeah, we're buying fairy princess, pop up houses and you know dollies and all that. So I'm most excited about that and seeing what God has for my other two sons in the future. And but for me, i'm just excited that there's no end to this, that you know what I mean, like yeah. I never dreamed that at 64, I would have a podcast. 

I learned the technology, and you know I mean. 

0:37:51 - Speaker 2
I'm with you, laura. Laura, we're late, bloomers, we are late. 

0:37:55 - Speaker 1
I am a hundred percent. I went back to college when I was 50 and 55. I am a late bloomer. But I love that about God, so I'm excited about everything. 

0:38:05 - Speaker 2
I agree with you. You know, there comes a point in our lives that I I too look around my life and I'm like, wow, there is so much happening. I could not have imagined it for myself. And therefore there is a lesson in this God's. God's foreknowledge of what he has for me is greater than anything I could imagine. Finally, laura, what is one piece of advice you can share with my listeners today? 

0:38:40 - Speaker 1
I would say that the most debilitating, insidious and paralyzing emotion a woman, but particularly a Christian woman, can have is shame, and it has to go. It has to go We. It cripples us, it keeps us with our eyes bowed low. Shame is not from your God, it does not come from him. 

Holy conviction comes from God, where he lifts our head and he puts us on our feet, just like he did for you, ruth, and just like he's done for me. That's holy conviction. There's so much grace and love and that sometimes there's some hard truth, you know. But it is life giving, where shame keeps your head bowed low and keeps you slinking and thinking there's nothing left for you. So, whatever you have to do, whether it is therapy, as we talked about earlier and for many of us it is whether it's getting yourself into a safe group of women who are studying the Word of God together, that are mature, whether you need mentoring, you know, whatever you, i did all those things. By the way, there's many things that we need, but get, get, get to a place where you're ready to say I'm not going to live with the shame anymore you'll be shocked. 

It's like losing a hundred pounds. 

0:39:56 - Speaker 2
And when you keep your head bowed down, you miss out on what is happening around you and the beauty around you. 

0:40:04 - Speaker 1
And what God is doing in your life. 

0:40:07 - Speaker 2
Yes, amen. Laura, I want to thank you so much for joining me today and sharing your story with my out of the darkness listeners. Friends, please check out the show notes on connecting with Laura and please subscribe and share to grow our community. Thank you so much, Laura. 

0:40:26 - Speaker 1
Thank you, ruth, it was really fun to talk to you. 

0:40:29 - Speaker 2
Thank you. Thank you for joining me. to stay connected, Follow me on Instagram and Facebook. If you like this podcast, can you help me find new listeners by leaving a rating and review? This small step takes only a moment, but really helps grow the listening audience. So let me thank you in advance. I hope you have a wonderful day and until next time let's continue on our journey as followers of Jesus Christ. I am Ruth Hovsepian.