Transforming Teen Lives Through Faith, Friendship, and Godly Guidance with Jamie Kirschner

In this episode, I share an inspiring conversation with Jamie Kirschner, a podcast host, Christian teen life coach, and keynote speaker who overcame a dark and abusive childhood through her faith in God. We discuss the impact of faith on family relationships and the importance of raising children in Christ. We also explore the topic of waiting until marriage for dating and the power of building strong friendships as a foundation for future relationships. 

Additionally, we touch on the importance of nurturing a relationship with God and using devotionals and the Bible as tools for personal growth and guidance. Lastly, we emphasize the importance of parents being present and attentive to their children, especially during their teenage years, by unplugging from the busyness of life and truly listening to their children. 

Join us for this powerful conversation and be inspired by how faith can transform even the most challenging circumstances.

Connect with Jamie Kirschner:

✔Website - https://www.uncommonteen.com

✔Instagram - @uncommon.teen

✔Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/uncommonteen

✔Book - https://amzn.to/3KugP3J

Podcast https://www.uncommonteen.com/podcast

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Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating Life's Trials with Faith
• 7:24 Raising Children in Christ
• 13:51 Waiting Until Marriage
• 25:56 God's Guidance for Teen Life Transformations
• 36:13 Unplugging with Children

Transcript

0:00:00
Wanna talk real quick to maybe those parents that are listening that are like, well, I messed it up. Like, my kids are teens and they're in a place of rebellion right now and I messed up. And, you know, maybe that did happen. And, you know, we're not perfect. And sometimes we don't know until it's too late, but what you can do from this moment on is, you know, ask God for forgiveness because he is so good for John one nine says, if you ask for forgiveness, hope forgive you, and not only that, but cleanse you from unrighteousness. That's just the guilt that's associated to that sin of, you know, messing up. Ask God to redeem the time because he's so good. Praise over your kids, and then step in and start developing those relationships with your kids even if they're in rebellion. Hi. I'm Ruth Hovsepian. Welcome to the Out of The Darkness Podcast. Where we help you navigate life's trials based on faith and difficult truths.

0:01:03
Jamie Kirschner is a podcast host, Christian teen life coach, and keynote speaker. Tammy grew up in a home with extreme dysfunction and poverty. Her father was physically abusive, drug addicted, and alcoholic. Her mother was a narcissist. Going up in the bible belt, she knew about Jesus, but didn't know him personally until she was a senior in high school. There God grabbed hold of her heart and changed her life. Since then, it has been her heart to reach teens for Jesus. Jamie is the founder of the Uncommon Team podcast, which equips young girls with tools to succeed as Christians. Permission is to help Christian teen girls overcome the real life challenges that they are facing. But in a way, that stays true to whom God created them to be. Welcome, Jamie. I am so happy to have you on out of the darkness today. And I cannot wait for you to show to share your story with my listeners and the ministry that you have going on right now. So welcome. Well, I am so excited to be here. Thank you so much. Tell us a little bit about your upbringing. And how that influenced your current ministry and what you do today? Oh, that's a that's a fun one right there.

0:02:25
So I grew up in a home. I had four siblings, so there were five of us kids. And my mom was a very young mom. The first four of us were born within three and a half years of each other. And my mom got married at sixteen, had her first child at seventeen, and They were both into drugs. They were both into like, there was a lot of abuse in our home that it was just a very not a very good place to be. And so that's really the life that I grew up in a lot of chaos I remember being eight years old, and I was hiding behind the couch with my sister.

0:03:01
And we were just hiding for my dad because he was in a very abusive rampage. He was really mad and he was, like, trying to find us and that was the only place we could hide where he wouldn't be able to find us. And I remember thinking to myself at eight years old, I did not wanna live anymore. I was done. I didn't wanna live anymore. I didn't wanna have to walk through this anymore. And now as a mom, that just breaks my heart to, like, think back on that. But that's where I was.

0:03:24
And I remember in that moment that we grew up in the bible belt. So we knew about God. We knew about Jesus, but we didn't actually personally know him. But in in that moment of hiding behind the couch, I just on the inside of me, it was just so strong. It was like somebody was speaking to me and I didn't know it was God at the time. But he said he said, I have a purpose for your life and I want you to find it. And that was all I needed.

0:03:49
That one phrase got me through the hardest years of my life. I wish I could say from that point on it got better, it didn't. My dad finally left my family when we were in sixth grade. And things got a little bit better, but not much better. My mom would move her boyfriends in, and it was just it was not a good good place for us to be. And the teen years were honestly some of the darkest years of my life. I tried to find that love that I was missing and all of the wrong places. And dating guys after guys after guys and one guy abused me in every way that you could possibly be abused. And and it was just it was a very hard, hard time.

0:04:32
But it was that one phrase of god had a plan for my life and I needed to find out what it was. That's the only thing that got me through. I was like, okay, I've gotta find out this purpose. And so it wasn't until I was a senior in high school. So I'm seventeen years old. A friend of mine who actually was a friend of mine since kindergarten. So I don't know why she didn't say anything beforehand. But when I was seventeen years old, she invited me to go to church with her, and that was the first time that I had heard the gospel, and that is when Jesus radically changed my life. And I was like, this is what I've been looking for all of my life. And so it was from that moment on that I just started really serving God with everything that I had.

0:05:12
And so the summer after my senior year of high school, I started working at a Christian camp, not as anything glorious. I didn't work as like a counselor or on the worship team. I worked as a cook and because that's what they needed. And I was like, sure, I'll do this. Then one night, I was walking around the campus And I saw this group of girls sitting under a tree, and so I just went over there to talk to them just to see how they were doing. And for me, I was very shy, so that is like a very That's not a very normal thing for me to do. But I went over there and I started talking to him and I found out that this group of girls was from a youth home. So they were all foster kids. And they had gone through similar situation as I had. And I got to share with them what Jesus had done in my life and how their life could be radically changed. They just have to make that decision to choose to accept them. And it was in that moment that God really spoke to my heart again. And he said, this is what you're gonna be doing for the rest of your life. You're gonna be serving teens. And so I knew that's what I was gonna be doing for the rest of my life.

0:06:14
Always wonder actually how our teenagers and our youth who come who are raised in homes that are dysfunctional you know, for lack of a better work, but it is a dysfunctional environment where, you know, you're not getting the the love maybe or the guidance that you need, you know, while you're growing up, you know, during those those formative years. And you're able to turn your life around. And it's not easy, and it and, you know, sometimes we we hear about young people who just continue and repeat what they were raised in. You know, the same pattern And then there were those like you by the grace of god who changed their lives. How did that how did that affect you and your relationship with your siblings and your parents? You know, at seventeen, when you start to discover this other, you know, the possibility of a different kind of life. Yeah. So that's a really good question.

0:07:24
So talking about that, my four other siblings did not go the same path that I did. Even growing up, my friends were all Christians because I saw my parents and I knew I didn't wanna be like them. So I wasn't like a bad kid. I didn't get into like a lot of the bad stuff. I didn't get into drugs, I didn't get into alcohol, none none of that stuff. That was not for me. I didn't care for it at all. And so I think that was really the biggest difference was the friends that I made, but the relationship between my siblings and me really it was dysfunctional. And even a lot of it's dysfunctional even to this day. I have loved all my siblings, but they still chose the life that they chose.

0:08:01
I have a sister who disowned me probably about ten years ago and I just prayed for her and I when if I ever see her, I love other, I encourage her. But but it's hard for her because she's not a Christian. She I don't I don't really know what she believes, but she has a hard time being around me because I am a Christian. So it's a very interesting dynamic. But one thing that's really neat is the sister that I was talking about that was hiding with me behind the couch, which is not the one I was just talking about. She is the closest one in age to me. And I just she saw my life and she saw how God had changed my life how I become a different person and how I was happy and she's like, I want what you have and she ended up giving her life to the lord because she saw what God had done in my life. And so that was pretty amazing to see. And her and I have the closest relationship out of all of my siblings. And mostly, it's just because they're they're really in the world and they want nothing to do with God. And so it and then with my parents the same a similar thing, My mom actually gave her life to the lord.

0:09:09
She had found Joyce Meyer on some TV station, and she was like, okay, I want this for my life. And so she gave her life to the Lord. Now we have a stronger relationship than we ever did growing up. And so my dad, I've not I've not seen him since I was seventeen years old. And I pray for him. And I just pray that god brings people along his path that love him and connect with my dad and can lead him to Jesus. And so that's really where we're at right now with my family. Yeah.

0:09:37
And and this just really shows the importance of our raising our children on a really strong foundation and that foundation being Christ and the word of God how did how did that affect you as a mom, you know, raising your own you know, did did it did you, you know, because you can go either in two ways. Right? One, you become extremely strict and very legalistic about things or, you know, you kinda just I don't wanna, you know, do this to my children. How how did it inform you to create a home that, you know, was Christ centered? Yeah. So that that's a really good question. So I'm just thankful that God got a hold of my life before I became a mom because I don't know what it would have been like afterwards. But he really got a hold of my life before I became a mom and I learned how to really put my trust in him. I learned how to speak the word and to pray the word over my kids.

0:10:43
And one of the biggest things that I wanted to do is I wanted to teach them what it really means to have a relationship with God. If I mess up, I apologize to my kids. I say, you know what? I messed up, and I'm sorry. And I asked them for forgiveness, and a lot of moms are like, what? And I'm like, yeah. It's so important to show them, like, to model what it means to be a real Christian And my kids now are fifteen and fourteen. My daughter is actually turning sixteen tomorrow. So but they love God. They have strong relationship with him, and it's because of what God has done him. My husband and my wife have we just have a really strong relationship trip with God, and so that's really transferred to them.

0:11:22
And so, like, one of the biggest things though as a mom that I really wanted to do other than show them who God really was, was I wanted them to know how love they were because that was one thing I did not feel growing up. I actually never even heard the words I love you from either of my parents. My mom finally like, the first time my mom told me that she loved me was when I was in college. And she had been watching a TV show and they had talked about the last they talked about when was the last time you told your kids you loved them and she's like, I don't know. And so she came out and told me she loves me and I was like, that was the weirdest thing for me because I had never heard that. So I wanted to make sure that my kids knew that I loved them. And even now, my almost sixteen year old daughter, she's I'll say, I love you Cara, and she'll say, You too. And I'm like, what was that?

0:12:13
I wanted to get used to saying it because it's so important for us to tell our kids that we love them is for them to know that we really do love them. I mean, my children are adults, the youngest is twenty six. But honestly, that I love you speaks volumes to our children. And and I remember when they were a little and I cut them into bed and would hear because they the three of them shared a room for the longest time, and I would hear that each of them say, deny it to each other, and then they would throw it I love you. And it was, you know, that that bond, you know, amongst them as well. And it's now I'm blessed that as they're getting off the phone, it doesn't matter if it's my son or my daughters. There's that. I love you. In there, you know, and sometimes they're, you know, you hear that little smirky laugh because, you know, we've we've talked about something, whatever, but it's there. You know, they They understand the value of I love you. And it's not just lip service. It really is so important. You know, I I really wanted my kids to I could not say I love you as a child. I don't know why. That's a whole other discussion. But I couldn't say it. But with my children, it was so God is amazing because it it just came so naturally for me to say to my children. I love you. And, yeah, it's God God does such miracles in our lives.

0:13:51
You mentioned, you know, during your your year, you know, younger years in your teens when you were going from relationship to relationship with boyfriends. How do you use that, whether it's with your own children or with the teams that you minister to, because I know my my experience too comes from that as well. And it it took time for me to be able to use it in the right way to give my testimony to be helpful to others. How do you use it or how to have you use it with your children and the teams you minister to? Yeah. So that's a really good question. I actually talk about it quite a bit. In both my podcast and also my coaching and also with my kids is something that I am completely open with them with.

0:14:46
And one of the things I taught my kids and I also tell the the girls that I coach and even the teens in our youth ministry, I encourage them to that there's no reason to start dating until they're ready to get married. Because what we're doing when we're dating at such a young age is we are we have not fully embraced our identity in Christ yet. We're still growing and learning and who it is that God created us to be. And so when we start dating, before that time that God has called us to step into marriage. What we do is we transfer our identity or we transfer our identity from who god says we are and we put it on that person. And I had I have seen over and over and over again in our youth ministry. Where two tens are dating. And they both love God. They're serving God together, and then they break up and then never see them again. And then I find out later, they've walked away from God completely because they lost their identity, they lost who they are.

0:15:42
And so that's one of the biggest ways that I kind of encourage teens and my kids even to there's really no reason during this time. Enjoy this time. Enjoy growing with God. You don't have to worry about who the next person I'm gonna date is because you're you're gonna end up losing yourself in the end. And even if you do find somebody in it's a very godly relationship and, you know, there's nothing going on. I just encourage friendships. You know, that building that foundation on a friendship is so important. My husband and I are going on nineteen years of marriage, and we built it on friendship. And if it wasn't for that, you know, we wouldn't be the best friends that we are still today, nineteen years later. And so I just encouraged those. They're like, well, I think I found a guy that I really like or this guy that I'm really I have a crush on and he really loves God, well, hang out in groups together. Get to know each other. And then if that time is right. And if that person is right, God will bring them to you, and then it'll be amazing. Yeah.

0:16:46
It goes totally against what society is telling our young people today. Right? Get out there, experiment, date as many people as you can before you get married. And you know, I was raised in a very conservative evangelical home where dating was not an option. It wasn't even something that we would have talked about. And, you know, there there was no dating in our culture. It really was you met someone or your parents introduced you to someone. And if they were were, you know, if they were someone that you could marry, then you would get engaged, didn't get to know them, and so forth. But, you know, now society is is totally different. And honestly, you know, that's what I was raised. And it doesn't mean that I all of it because, you know, teenagers will will go against everything that they're being told, you know, if they are inclined to acting out or doing whatever.

0:17:44
I I really didn't have a dating relationship before I got married. But after my divorce, that was a whole other story for fifteen years. I wouldn't even call it dating. I just went from from one person to, you know, the other person to the other person. They weren't relationships. They were just you know, they were just a meeting of the of the sorts. So, you know, I wasn't the best example for my my children as they were become I mean, they didn't know what my my life my secret life was. But, you know, they did see maybe the person I dated for a longer period of time. And one of the things that I learned from that experience. And once I was out of that cycle, I was able to tell my kids and I I say this to young people.

0:18:38
Every time you're with a person and you fall in love with them or give yourself to them in a physical way, a piece of your heart is is take, you know, like sort of like removed and left in that relationship so that when you eventually meet the person that God has brought into your life for marriage, is your heart whole? Are you giving this person a whole heart? Now I believe God can heal us. And, you know, restore us. But that doesn't negate the fact that we come with a luggage afterwards. Right? We we still have our baggage. And, yes, you know, we leave it at the feet of God. All of that, you know, biblically, we understand that. But for humans, our memory bank is there. Right? So we we get those. So it does affect us. You know, as much as we trust God, we still have traumas to deal with or package to deal with whatever you wanna call it. So I believe what you have said is such an important thing. And and the churches have to speak about this as well. And encourage that within their young people, you know, and and and and make it easy on the young people in the church to spend time with each other. And I I agree. Definitely agree.

0:20:11
I know with those relationships I went through in high school, they were some of the I mean, they they left a lot of pain, a lot of brokenness, and that was before I became a Christian, But even afterwards, I had to deal with a lot of that stuff and didn't really know how to deal with it. Yeah. And even into my marriage, like, it really affected me. And so It does. It affects us in so many ways. And, yes, God can absolutely heal us, but it's that heartbreak is it's not even worth it. It's so not worth it. No. It's not not not for not for nothing. Right? Because that's what it is. You walk away from those relationships with nothing except hurt and, you know, having to leave those aside as you enter a real relationship with your husband You know? So it is difficult. I it you know, we I can't emphasize that. You know, we really need to help our young people, you know, turn them away from what the world view is on dating. It's ridiculous. Yes.

0:21:20
And one thing that I was gonna say too is whenever we talk to our teams, we also need to make sure that we're not, like, coming down on them hard, like, don't do this and don't do this and don't do this because if you have all these rules, and there is no relationship there, then it's gonna always cause rebellion every time. I mean, we saw that even in the old testament law. You know, all these rules and there was no relationship with Christ. And now they're rebelling every time they turn around and it's like, that's exactly what we see today. And so you know, when I talk to these teams, I have a relationship with them and I'm well, the way I tell them is you can't do that. Don't do that. I don't tell them that way. I tell them, hey, look, you are so loved by God. He loves you so much, and he has somebody for you for the perfect moment. And if you just wait, it's gonna be so much more amazing than if you try to rush it. And so that's just one thing I wanna encourage.

0:22:14
Is anybody who talks to teens, you know, or anybody really? It's not just a bunch of rules. It's talk to them about the why? Why why is it that, you know, they should wait? What is the importance behind it? Because that's something I don't think a lot of people do today. They just talk about what they shouldn't shouldn't do. And then teens are like, but it's normal to do those kinds of things. But they don't understand why. Yeah. I think that's important because we we say no. We say remain pure until marriage. But we are focused more on the purity aspect rather than why that is important. To. And you know, there's there's ways around this purity. I mean, don't get me wrong. I think that it works for some people, but not everyone is wired the same way.

0:23:03
And first of all, I think that as parents, we have big responsibility with our children because there's a certain point in their development years that if you haven't already build their heart with the word of God and and film them what is right and wrong. It's it's too late after a certain point. The only way Bell changes by coming to the Lord themselves and the lord changing them. But I've seen parents so many times say, I don't get it. You know, he's he's talking back. He's doing this. He's doing that. But then you look and you see, you know, when you ask them, what about this? It's Well, I I want them to decide on their own. Why is it your child insured? Well, you know, they need to make that choice if if they want it, no. You're the parent. The child is living with you. You know, we we need that children want guidance. Children need guidance. So I think we really need to focus on those formative years. Yeah. I totally agree.

0:24:13
And I was from a home that had no guidance at all. None. I mean, I I moved out when I was chain for the first time and I lived with my aunt and, like, I never had to ask my parents if I could stay the night at somebody's house. I never I never asked to move out of the house at fifteen. And then I came back at sixteen, and then I left again at seventeen. And when I left at seventeen, I didn't tell anybody I was leaving. I was just left, and I didn't come home And I called my mom a week later, and I was like, aren't she wondering where I'm at? And she's like, oh, I know you're a good kid. I know you're fine. Like, that was the response that I got. And so, like, we never had rules. We never had any of that.

0:24:48
And and I I remember thinking that well, one, I felt like in that reason, in that way, I didn't feel loved by my parents. And other reasons too, but that I was like, my parents don't even love me enough to, you know, guide me and direction. They don't love me enough to tell me no. They don't love me enough even care about me. They don't care if I just go and leave and not even ask. They don't care. And so I I grew up with that. They don't care attitude. And so I mean, it's so easy whenever we're not parenting our kids and showing them how much they love us. For them to say, well, they don't care about me. So, yeah, I'm gonna go do all these things that they told me not to do. Yeah. That that's a very good point that it you know, children will interpret our actions as they don't care.

0:25:36
And you must see that in your team ministry and in in the youth ministry that you involved? And can you tell us a little bit about the ministry that you have going? Yeah, absolutely. So I am in youth ministry. So I am a volunteer youth leader in youth ministry. I've been serving at our church for nineteen years and absolutely love it.

0:25:56
And then I also back in twenty twenty, I knew that God was speaking to my heart for a long time about starting a ministry specifically for teen girls. And didn't know what this was going to entail, but in twenty twenty, I I just I knew that I was supposed to reach teens. I just didn't know how. And, really, it was fear that kept me back from reaching them. And then twenty twenty hit, the shutdown happened. And I remember that first Wednesday night that we did have youth ministry. And I thought to myself, like, I was having a really hard time because I was like, if I'm calling to serve these teens and I can't even see them, how am I supposed to serve them? How am I supposed to make a difference in their lives if we can't have any contact with each other? And it broke my heart. And God spoke to me and he said, because he's been telling me this for a long time. He said, you're not only holding yourself back, you're holding these girls back. And so from that moment, I made a decision that I was gonna go all in with Guy told me to do something, I was gonna do it.

0:26:55
And so I started with writing a devotional for teen girls And and it's a devotional. I I don't like devotionals, to be honest. But this devotional was a little bit different. Had parents ask me all the time, hey, what's a good devotional for my teen? And I was always like the bible. Because the bible is the best place that our teens could ever go. And a lot of times, teens will exchange their their bible for the devotional and pretend like they're devotional is their bible, but it's not. And so I so I wrote a devotional that really is geared towards helping teens get into the bible and start to think about it for themselves. And so that was where we where I started in twenty twenty. And then January twenty twenty one, I started the uncommenting podcast. And so from there, it's just kind of blossomed and grown. And now I do life coaching for Christian teen girls, and it is amazing.

0:27:46
There was a girl that I got to coach recently who was going she was turning thirteen in the middle of the shutdown, and it just completely rocked her world. And she became suicidal. She became very depressed. And if you met her on the outside, you wouldn't know. She she carried herself very, like, just a joy to fun to be around, but she was very, very depressed. And they tried counseling. They tried all kinds of things and not to say counseling. It's not bad. Her counseling is bad. That's not what I'm saying. But she said, I just don't know what to do and she came in and it was amazing. Like, god, it's just all his I don't get I don't take the glory for any It's all gone. And he took this girl. And after the second week of us meeting, she said for the first time since the shutdown, I have hope. I have hope that I can get over this. And she and she has. Her life has completely changed today because of god just working through her and just having that coaching on her side.

0:28:49
Yeah. That's a that's a that was a very difficult season for a lot of teenagers. I mean, adults as well, but for teenagers when they were so isolated from, you know, their normal group of friends and church. It was a disaster, but also going back to your point about the bible being your point of reference. Think that is an area that parents, first of all, have to model for their children. Your children need to see you read your bible developing your own time of study. And I'm guilty about that. You know, I you know, I don't know if my children had ever saw me maybe a handful of times if at that. So yeah, we are responsible for our children.

0:29:41
And I really very strongly believe that we need to go back to the main source. I mean, like you, I let me put it this I like devotional books. I like bible study books. I love reference books. I just love books in general. And I'm at a stage in my life. I'm just, like, learn and absorbing and taking it all in.

0:30:08
God, I always go back to the word of God. Always. And if I don't know the word of God, this is my my point, and I tell this to people all the time. If you do not know the word of God yourself well enough so that when you read or hear someone speak how will you know they're speaking the truth or not? How? And and we are giving teenagers, you know, like just focusing on teenagers now that we are we tell our children things. They're bombarded with information at home. A church in society, on social media, how do they differentiate between all these messages? What's right? What's wrong? What's the truth unless we we show our children to go back to the word of God, to to always use that as their baseline. Absolutely. And that's why I say, like, I I wasn't really a big fan of devotionals, is because if they take that as the word of God, it's not the word god.

0:31:16
And so that's why it's so important. A lot of times devotionals will have, like, one verse or two verses and then a whole bunch of things. Yeah. Just interpreting it, but you gotta get into the bible and read the chapter, you're gonna read, like, what's around it and say, are they taking this out of context? Or is it actually the truth of what God is saying? And so that was really the heart behind writing that devotional was if you want a devotional, it really has to get to getting back into the word of God.

0:31:40
And I talk to the girls, I coach a lot about this because one of the The number one sign that Jesus said for the last days is deception. And if you think about Satan even in the Garden of Eden, he came in and he took the truth just enough truth to get them to latch on and then twisted that truth. And that's how he works. He takes just some truth. Oh, yeah. I heard that in church, but I don't know it for myself. And so I'll take just enough what I heard in church and then he'll twist a little bit more and then it takes you out of context and it's like, that's not the truth anymore. Now it's it's a lie. What you may have heard in church was the truth, but because you didn't know it for yourself, you didn't understand that lie when it was starting to twist.

0:32:20
It it it comes down to, you you know, yesterday, our sermon, a part of it, it was about pastor worship. And how we've become a culture. And this is this I've been saying for for a very long time, we have become the church culture have become groupies around pastors. And I mean, there's nothing wrong. I follow pastors online and I listen all kinds of sermons. And it's just an add on to other things. Don't become a groupie.

0:32:55
If that posture says something you disagree with, you disagree with them, don't don't suddenly yeah. Okay. You know, think for yourself be be in the word, and I think that is very, very important Yeah. Or look it up for yourself if it's something different than what you've believed. Like, okay. What does the Bible really say about this? And it's amazing. I mean, so amazing.

0:33:22
And and I see teens all the time doing this, and and that's what just really encourages me because there are teens out there that do love God. A lot of people look at out at teens and youth and they think, oh, they're all a mess. Like, every one of them is a mess, but that's not true. They love God. They want Jesus and they don't only they don't only need him, but they they really do want him. Howard Bauchner: Yeah, they're searching. There's an emptiness in their lives that Yeah. They they they need the guidance and they they need someone like you and their parents, you know, to for that guidance and for that help What is exciting you the most right now? Oh, goodness. Just the life transformations.

0:34:03
I I have seen on my podcast, I I connect with the teams that I that listen to my podcast through an app that I have. And so I see through that. I see through our youth ministry. Teams are given their lives left and right to the lord, and they are like, maybe they grew up in church, but they never really cared. And now they're coming to know Jesus as their a personal or a savior and he's changed in their lives. This is what I'm seeing. Like, this generation is so hungry for God. A lot of them just don't realize that's what they need. But they are so hungry and they are searching for so much truth. And so that's what I'm most excited about. It's like seeing this hunger. Like, I've never seen it before. Just so amazing. Yeah. I I think the world has gotten to such a space that people are hungering for the truth and looking for it. And I think the teens are the biggest group because they just they've almost been left to raise themselves in some instances. They don't have that guidance.

0:35:03
What is some advice that you can give to parents, to youth leaders. On what they should be doing with young children and teenagers. The number one thing is, one one have a relationship with God yourself. It is so important. I I know so many youth pastors and youth leaders, and they are just going nonstop. And they don't actually spend time with God themselves on a daily basis. So that's the number one thing. It's have a relationship with God and then have a relationship with them. Start that relationship. You know, like develop that if you're a youth leader, a youth pastor, you know, have, like, a a mentor and mentees that, like, type relationship or even a parent figure to a a student type relationship with them because a lot of those teens, they don't have parents that that are really there for them. And like you said, a lot of them are raising themselves. But if you're a parent, you know, one, develop that relationship with God and then really press into those teens A lot of times, teams will push back during the teen years because they wanted depend because they want independence.

0:36:13
But It's also important for you to press in during that time too because they need you more than anything. There may be a gap, but that gap doesn't have to be there. Yeah. And I would personally add one other point, parents get off your phones. When you come home from work, leave work at the door, at least while the children are around and your teens need to. Be ready for when they can speak because we miss out on opportunities as parents. We're so busy making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning, that when our children come to us and wanna talk to us, we don't hear them. We're too busy, you know, with life.

0:36:56
And, you know, and looking back, yeah, there were times that I could've, you know, like, unplugged from the busyness of being a mom. I mean, I was a single mom, but that's not an excuse and by no means, you know. But we need to unplug and be there for our children so that when these they say something, we actually hear them. And sometimes it's not even a question that they have or they're not coming to talk to you. There's they're just telling you something, you know how it is, you know, you're getting ready for bed and suddenly your teenager has a whole story to tell you about what happened in that school, like, that's when when teens perk up. Right? Just as parents are getting ready for but I you know, as a parent, am I ready to be there for them, to put aside my needs for that time and listen to what they say to know where they're at and that is such a whole that's so important, you know, being present with our children. Absolutely.

0:38:02
And also, find those times, like you were saying, of when your teens talk the best. My daughter talks the best when she's in the car with me, and it's just her and me, and she would just Let let everything go out. My son, he just he loves to talk. So he's always like to talk. And so it just I mean, I had a conversation with my daughter. It was actually funny because it was over text. And we were talking about somebody who she really admired growing up because she was a Christian and she just loved God. And and my daughter would look up to her as like a role model, but this lady has now walked away from god and has embraced anxiety as her identity and my daughter was, like, I listened to one of her songs and And I just need she's like, I need to send her a message today because because she just needs to know how much God loves her because I think she forgot. And so, like, you just have to listen, like, he said, take those times. When those when those moments happen, those are very special moments. And there will be one day when she's eighteen years old and she's out of the house and I Those moments won't be there anymore. Yeah.

0:39:06
I wanna talk real quick to maybe those parents those parents that are listening that are like, well, I messed it up. Like, my kids are at hand and they're in a place of rebellion right now and I messed up. And, you know, maybe that did happen. And you know, we're not perfect, and sometimes we don't know until it's too late. But what you can do from this moment on is you know, ask God for forgiveness because he is so good for John one nine says, if you ask him for forgiveness, he'll forgive you and not only that but cleanse you from unrighteousness, That's just the guilt that's associated to that sin of, you know, messing up. You know? And so after forgiveness, Ask God to redeem the time because he's so good.

0:39:45
Praise over your kids and then step in and start developing those relationships with your kids even if they're in rebellion. And I wanna encourage you watch the words that you're speaking over your kids. If you're speaking, my kid is a he's terrible. He's like, into all this stuff and I can't believe it and I just Like, if you're saying all these bad things about your kid, of course, he's gonna continue to do that because your words are powerful. Death of life or the power of the tongue. And so begin to speak life over them. Begin to speak. One thing that you can say is, my son, he is a strong man of God. He just doesn't realize it yet. And just start speaking live. Start speaking live. And you will see that who you are speaking to is who is gonna eventually come out. So I just wanna encourage you in that.

0:40:28
Thank you for sharing that. And Jamie, I wanna thank you for joining me today and sharing your story and your wisdom and your knowledge with my out of the darkness listeners and to my friends, please check out the show notes on connecting with Jamie Kirschner and please subscribe and share it to grow our community. Thank you, Jamie. Thank you. Thank you for joining me. To stay connected, follow me on Instagram and Facebook. If you like this podcast, can you help me find new listeners by leaving a rating and review? This small step takes only a moment. But really helps grow the listening audience. So let me thank you in advance. I hope you have a wonderful day and until next time. Let's continue on our journey as followers of Jesus Christ. I am Ruth Hovsepian.