Out of the Darkness with Ruth Hovsepian

The Power of Mothers Who Pray - Mother's Day Special with PAMELA FIELDS

May 08, 2023 Ruth Hovsepian/Pamela Fields Season 1 Episode 18
Out of the Darkness with Ruth Hovsepian
The Power of Mothers Who Pray - Mother's Day Special with PAMELA FIELDS
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

In this episode, I discuss the importance and power of mothers who pray and how to fit prayer into the lifestyle of a busy mom. I share stories from my own experience and provide guidance on praying for our children, even when they are grown and gone. We talk about ways to make prayer more intentional, such as creating bracelets with their names and using alphabet beads to pray for specific characteristics. Finally, tips on how to make the most of busy seasons.

 


Connect with Pamela Fields:
✔ Website: https://tendingfields.net/
✔ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tendingfields/
✔ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pam-fields-a387061a9/
✔ Podcast: https://anchor.fm/themomnextdoor
✔ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TendingFields


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0:00:00
Oh, no. You're not just a mom. You're carrying the next generation. You are forming. You are an integral part. To invest in the future of our society and the future of our churches.

0:00:18
Hey, everybody. This is Ruth Hovsepian, and you are listening to the Out of the Darkness podcast This podcast helps women of all ages and stages of life to navigate insecurities, fears, and addictions and to live purposefully, authentically, and amazingly in Christ Jesus. We tackle subjects such as faith, parenting, divorce, loneliness, addictions, and so much more. It's my prayer that these episodes inspire you and encourage you to be a fully devoted follower of Jesus Christ. So if you are new here, let me invite you to subscribe on your favorite podcast app so that you can join us each week for more information and free resources visit root hot second dot com. This is root hot second. I want to introduce you to Pamela Fields, a mother of nine wife home schooler, and podcaster. She loves encouraging women who feel inadequate or ill equipped for motherhood and reminds them that they were made to mother, and god will equip them. Welcome, Pam. Thank you for joining me today on out of the darkness. I am excited to hear about you, your family, and the ministry that you have going tell us a little bit about your background and your journey where and how you've gotten to where you are today.

0:01:58
So maybe the best way to start is that I didn't grow up going to church when I was fifteen, I went to a youth summer camp. And there at that summer camp, I really felt like they all had something that I wanted. And it was there at that summer camp that I committed my life to the lord and went home and started going to church, wasn't quite driving yet, so my parents would drop me off. And then when I started driving, I could get myself to church and back. And there, I started making friendships and being discipled through that youth group. And that kind of set up part of my future, of course. Right? It was there where in that church, where I met my future husband and there where we got married. We have been part of that church for wow, since nineteen eighty seven. So a lot of years up until about two years ago when we moved from Oregon to Tennessee. And so yeah, that is geographically where I came from and a little bit of, you know, starting into church at at fifteen, kind of felt like I was behind a little bit compared to women who have grown up in the church, I kind of learned along with my children the stories of the bible and also made a real commitment to do things differently than were done in my own family.

0:03:38
I was very hungry as a young mom. To get to know what does the Bible say about being a mom? You know, I started thinking I babysat a lot. When I was a teenager. And I knew that I was a good babysitter. And what is babysitting about? It is like feeding them, making sure they're happy, and then keeping everybody alive until mom and dad get home. And then mom and dad run with it, the marathon. That's right. You know, it's just a different thing.

0:04:10
Then here when my first child was born, they sent him home from the hospital with me, and I was like, what am I supposed to do? Like, this can't be right. You're really sending me home with this child. What qualifications do I have? What authority do I have here? I mean, it just it was so foreign.

0:04:33
And so I really went on a quest to learn what does the bible say. You know? And I find that it really talks about more than the physical aspects of keeping our children alive. And but I don't think it's something that we can study on once and then have a complete grasp on. Or a complete knowledge of application because as each new child joins our home, as each situation in life arises. We've got a whole new place to start and research and study and seek the lord on. And I guess with nine children, you've had nine different personalities and nine different characters to to hone your skills as a mother. Yeah. Absolutely. And each one of them is so different. And factor in, of course, my husband and I are very different. And and then the things that the Lord teaches us and my older children sometimes are not very happy about it, but they say, you're teaching, you're training, the younger ones totally than you are us. And I've said, yeah, because we've learned. We've matured. We're different parents to our now nine year old. Than we were to our twenty six year old and our twenty five year old now.

0:06:03
How did you how did you or how do you deal with the way society looks at mothers today? And You know, the We we don't have this encouragement from society that being a mother is enough. You know, when I'm doing air quotes, because now women are pushed to have a career to do this, to go and do that. For me, motherhood has always been the greatest accomplishment I've done, regardless of what other stuff I've done. Mothering being a mother has been amazing for me. How do you deal with that and teach your daughters, you know, that being a mother is God given?

0:06:57
I struggled with that a lot through the years thinking that my value could somehow be contingent on all these other external things. Right? But one song that often played back in my mind was that I think it was casting crowns, the voice of truth. Mhmm. And it reminded me a lot of times the voice of truth tells me a different story, you know. And I I think when we look at what is at stake, when we choose to not engage and not embrace our motherhood, that reminds me to go back and say, Wow. Lord, the children you've given me and the opportunity I have here to invest in their lives is probably the biggest impact, the biggest offering, the biggest commitment maybe that I will ever have in my whole life.

0:08:06
Of course, we have to juggle all the other things. Right? But, yeah, there's we don't really get a do over with our children. We can we can look at it and go, okay, we can be repentance and we can say, okay, I messed that up. Let me try it again. Right. And even in doing that, we're teaching and training to have that heart. But, yeah, it's I think motherhood is a huge refining that we go through because I think God teaches us in his words so much about how he is a father and he parents us and there's so many correlations to how we parent our children, like, you know, we get frustrated with them or we're like, don't you, you know, aren't you ever gonna learn? And then I think oh, I kind of is that how I am with my relationship with the Lord? Is he saying, Come on, Pam. What are you gonna learn? Have I not taught you this lesson before? Let's go back there and take a reramp at this and try it again. You know? Yeah. It it is it is difficult, you know.

0:09:16
And I you said something that I'd like to touch on and that is juggling. Our time and how we manage. Now I had three, and I worked, like, sixty, seventy hour weeks outside of the home as well. And I it was hard. And I see now young mothers really struggling, you know, to and and the and what I hear from them and they come and they say, Ruth, I don't know how to do it. You know, some some of them have to work outside of the family, you know, to to make ends meet especially in today's economy. And they are struggling, you know, to make time for their husband, time for their children, time for the Lord, a quiet time to recharge. And then they're like and I have no time for myself. Mhmm. Now what what do you advise women? Or what is your word of wisdom to young mothers out there or mothers that have, you know, older teenagers to to sort of, as you said, juggle those responsibilities. I don't think there's a super simple and concise answer except.

0:10:37
This has really been on my heart recently. Being if you have young children or if you have adult children. There's a verse and I can't remember the reference, but it says, I don't know what to do, but my eyes are on you. Mhmm. And I think that we need to go to the lord asked the holy spirit to speak to us and show us what to do because he wants to guide us, he wants to help us, And he will direct my time where I need to spend my time, my days, my resources, my talents. Right? That's not in a way, it doesn't seem super practical, but yet it is. Right?

0:11:27
And I'm at a different point in my life where I was a stay at home mom for twenty six years. And, well, my oldest is twenty six. And So my time management would look different than someone who is a working mom. My youngest is nine, and here I've in the last few years, life has changed for me, and I'm starting to manage some commitments outside of the home. So in a way, I'm just a beginner in this. Right? But that verse is constant for no matter what stage we're in, so not making a quiet time to sit with the Lord.

0:12:11
And to pray and to bible, you know, to do bible reading. And I I have always said there's this you know, we go through different seasons. Yeah. And the Lord is very aware of where we are. In what season. Now, I don't have young children. Mine are all adults, but now I am the I am that generation that has adult children and my parents that need care. So it changes. Right?

0:12:45
And we need to, you know, give ourselves some grace if we don't have an hour or two hours a day as some people, you know, say, and I used to have people tell me, well, if you get up at five in the morning and do this, and I was like, yeah, I'm a lot of morning person. You know, and I have guilt, you know, and I would have this on top of already feeling guilty and not spending time in the presence of the Lord. I now have the guilt of saying, but I'm tired and I need that hour sleep or whatever it was. Yeah. I, you know, I I think that is what we need to teach young mothers or young women. Uh-huh. And that's really hard when you have a nursing baby and you're up all throughout the night or a sick child, and you have this interruption. And for gonna seeks it could even be a teenager because once they hit that teenage set of years, it seems like they start talking at ten PM and do not stop until midnight. And so you may get to bed fairly late and have to be at commitments. And so I understand that is so true.

0:14:04
And here's what I like to think of going back to having a hunger for the word and being hungry to know what God says for this stage in my life no matter where I am. I like to think of my time with the Lord as food that fuels me really. Right? And there are some days when I am on the run. And I if my physical food, it may not look like a meal to other people. It may look like a handful of almonds, a hard boiled egg, some carrot sticks or whatever. I throw them in the car and while I'm driving, I eat those. Right? That's like a snack, but it nourishes and sustains me until the next time that I fuel my bum. Right?

0:14:49
And then there are meals where I sit down and I prepare and I have all the courses and all the proper nutrition, but we would deem a proper meal. Right? And then there are times, maybe holidays maybe a special, you know, anniversary, a special outing, where we just have a feast. We've got everything and we can dig in and go deep and we walk away completely bloated and stuff. Right? And we think I'm never gonna be able to eat again. This so good.

0:15:22
And I kinda think the same is true with our time with the Lord. When we are being rushed around, we can't decide I'm not gonna eat at all because that's not gonna give us nourishment for the next phase. Right? What we need to do is have those little snacks. And preparing those snacks ahead of time is great. Like little posty notes that you put up, on your mirror or in the car or another thing I do is I actually print out versus or prayer lists and I run them through my little home laminator and I just stick those to the walls of my shower. And when I'm in the shower, I have a reference point to help me focus on the Lord and a little verse to feed me in the day. And so I leave myself snacks around the house and places I know I'm gonna be to remind me of spending time with the Lord too so that he can feed me and fill me even though I'm on the run and even though I'm busy with littles or bigs, whatever. And then there are definitely times where, like, I I do attend a women's bible study and we have homework and that is like my meal. Right? I go and I systematically, I'm studying and that is a meal. And then when I might go on a women's retreat or go to a conference, or even just alone spend an extended period of time with the lord. That's the feast.

0:17:04
And there's different times in our life different seasons where we have access to different different ways to do that. But I think it's really important to just continue with whatever you have available to you. Make sure it's at least a snack. Make sure that you have something reaching your heart, reaching your mind with renewing your mind with the word of God because that will be, what sustains you, for the until you get the next meal. No. I I hear you on that one. It's you know, you're right. Those seasons that we go through are so different. Right? Each season is a different one and I I love that analogy of having those snacks ready and, you know, ready to go. How how do you or or hold on.

0:18:03
Let me let me ask you this. How did family members or mentors or friends support you during the time when you had all your your children were younger and you were going through those seasons where it was just so busy at home. Did you have the support? And what did that look like? You know, it was a different era. We didn't have all the social media, which could be good and it could be bad. Right? Because I think that there are ways where there's women that speak into the lives of young moms online now. So there's that access now that's different.

0:18:56
I think when all of my children were young, the greatest place that spoke to me was attending a once a week mom's group at my church and then books I had a lot of books that I just read about motherhood that would highlight a certain verse would remind me of who the lord was, his intentions for my life to be good, my authority to be able to speak truth into my children's lives So a lot of that and friendships. You know, so many it was a mom to mom friendship for me where you know, we could encourage each other. And there it was more in the physical, like, hey, let's go to McDonald's, let everybody run around on the playground, and let's chat, picking up the telephone. We didn't have texting then. So picking up the telephone and chatting on the phone, those were some good ways for me. And I know it has kind of changed through the years, but at my stage that is kind of what fed me. And where my community was built around. Mhmm. It's true. We we do need other mom friends. I think they're the ones that under stand what we're, you know, what we're juggling or what we're trying to deal with at the same time.

0:20:23
And I know that when my kids were, I was fortunate. Well, you can say I was fortunate because as a single mom, I didn't have too many other moms around me, whether it was a church or in my social circle that were dealing with the same thing. And just around the time that I went through my divorce and I was struggling with motherhood, you know, and trying to understand the different semantic of it. Right? How much love to give and how much discipline to give? And how do you balance that? Right? And a woman came to the church, a single mother. A new believer came to the church with her son. And we hit it off. And I believe that the Lord placed us at the same place, at the same time. And it was a great support system. And I I've always looked back at that because we were there for each other. You know, we made mistakes together, we grew together, we supported each other. Our children hung out with each other, you know, and and we under stood each other's needs.

0:21:36
And I look at the church today and you're right, Pam, that it has changed a lot in the way society deals with it, right, with social media and online presence. And I still with all of that, which is good, I still see the hunger and the need of the mothers in the church. And I love it when I see young mothers rallying around each other and supporting each other. Mhmm. And I think that that is something that is so important, you know -- Yeah. -- in mother's groups and and whether it's just a a a weekly coffee time or, you know, chatting or Exchanging babysitting, I don't there's so much that we can do to support our mothers and encourage them I I think that that is that is where society, you know, is failing. Our our mothers. Right? The the the the family structure. Right? Where is the support for for family, I think. It's it's a very difficult time right now. Yeah. You know, when this has been probably ten, twelve years ago.

0:22:57
I was at goodwill one night, and I had my baby and a carrier, you know, strapped to my body. And I was walking around and this older man walked up to me. And he just simply said to me, you're carrying the future. And I am so happy that you're, you know, like, look at you, you're carrying our future. And then we stopped, and we talked for, like, ten minutes. And this man just spoke life into me. He spoke about how important it was, what I was doing, raising my child, And he didn't know that I had more at home. He didn't know if it was just this one baby strap to me or what. But he had that boldness and confidence to speak life into a young mom. And it's interesting because I think I'm so anxious someday to be that old woman who walks up to a gal in the grocery store and says, oh, honey, you got this. You know, oh, look at your beautiful children and then I go back and I think, well, that would be weird of me. They might think I'm strange. Like, I'm not sure if this is the appropriate time for me to do that. What And when I go through that thought process, it often comes back onto reflecting how do I feel and how will that response or that connection, be for me.

0:24:23
And I I'm reminding myself even now, and thinking that we need to be reminded. It's not about us. It's about ministering and serving others, speaking life into them. And being that wind in their sail to point them in in a bright future, you know, speak the truth. Speak because we are hearing you asked me earlier about the culture. If the culture uplifts motherhood or not. And I think it doesn't. I think the culture often says you are just a mom and you don't really have anything valid and what you're doing isn't important.

0:25:06
And even as I moved in the last couple of years, as I and podcasting and doing some other things and people would say, well, tell me who are you and what do you do? And I'm like, I'm just a mom. I'm not really. And here I am fifty years old and thinking that I still struggle with that mentality of I'm just a mom. Whereas if we are recognizing that oh, no. You're not just a mom. You're carrying the next generation. You are forming. You are an integral part. To invest in the future of our society and the future of our churches.

0:25:50
And I think we need that. I think we need to think more generationally and do what we can do to cultivate, you know, at our ages here, we need to be cultivating, like, what can I do to put together that mom's coffee date? You know, it doesn't mean I'm gonna take a few snacks, I'm gonna make some coffee, I'm gonna see if my church has a room that they can open up and do, or am I gonna do it at my house? You know, what does that look like so important? Oh, I agree with you. I think that mothers no matter how old they are, you know, we need to encourage a younger woman who is entering motherhood, thinking of being a mother, and I I understand what you say.

0:26:37
Like, now, you know, like I said, I had a career as a mother, and it wasn't by choice. When I was, you know, young, a a teenager and, you know, how everyone asks you, What do you wanna do? I always wanted to be a wife and a mother. I have no other aspirations. I just wanted to be a mom and a and a wife and the best that I could be. Those were my dreams. And, you know, it it was it was so, you know, when I first was married and I had, you know, my my children.

0:27:13
And then I went through a divorce and things changed and I had to look around and say, well, I can't be a stay at home mom. That is not what my the circumstances of my life were. And I went back to work, and I fell into this worlds into the world's trap of proving myself as the perfect career woman and the perfect mother that I could do it all without dropping, you know, the proverbial the juggling balls, I couldn't drop one. I had to be the perfect mom had to have the birthday parties that my children would remember, and I had to, you know, have this contract that worked. And I And I realized now when I look back, we do such a disservice to the next generation to my children. And as my children grew older and now obviously they're adults, they're married, I've had to say ask them and have these conversations with them of, you know, how did you feel? What was it like having, you know, your mom not around and not there? Now there are blessings in disguise that when I lost my big important career.

0:28:48
My youngest was starting high school, and that was a blessing in disguise, really. Yeah. You know, because she was the child out of the three that would need me the most. Yeah. And I was home for her. And, you know, and I can weep now thinking back because as she got older, and she finished high school and went on to college, whatever. She said to me, you know, mom? I loved having you home because I had started to work from home and -- Yeah. -- whatever, but I was around. Yeah. And I look back, and I don't regret the choices I made. Yes, financially, they were not the best choices for the family. But, man, I I cherish those those days when she came home from school, and I was here. And I was here for her. And I say, out of my three, she'll kill me for this. But out of the three, she was the one that needed me the most to be there after school -- Right. -- you know, because of her personality and her character. And by god's grace, you know, she's she's a well matured adult woman now. But that is something that really taught me that we need to support women -- Mhmm. -- mothers and give them the assurance that motherhood is so important and so Yeah. Powerful in the making of, as you said, the next generation. You know?

0:30:31
And I I think there's a lot of mom guilt though, too, when we hit this stage, when we do have adult children. Mhmm. And we look at all this. Well, we're we're reconciling what we did through the years. Right? But God and his sovereignty can use the situations of us raising our children for his glory. And we could have all these things running through our mind. What if I should have done? I should have, but we need to even trust those bad decisions or, you know, something we could have done differently. Trust that God will use it for our good and for his glory. We just need to. You know, he's he has not finished writing my story, your story, our children's story. We're all still being worked on, you know. And it's it's all part of the adventure, you know. It's all part of the adventure of living with the Lord and walking this earth in in just his refinement and teaching and training us. Yeah. I agree with you.

0:31:48
The guilt the mom guilt is can be huge. It could be so overwhelming at times that it'll freeze a mother from moving forward and and and doing what she's supposed to be doing at that moment. I know it's it's very it's a very difficult one, and I hear it now. With young mothers just starting out, it's that mom built, you know, and oh, I I, you know, took time out to go out with my husband. I feel guilty. I left my child. Right. And I'm right. But yeah. It we we need to put away that mom guilt. As you said, it's a learning curve, you know. We Mhmm. We need to move forward and not freeze in our moment of guilt. Yeah. No. And there it's not just isolated to the working mom or the stay at home mom or the homeschooling mom or that what? Big family, small family, it doesn't matter. It's just it's just there.

0:32:53
And I remember when I think I had about I think I had five, four, five children. And we were just starting to homeschool and It was a lot to juggle, like physically a lot of things to do with that many young children. And there was an older woman from my church who came over to my house. So in my mind, oh, she's coming over to help me and to speak life into me. I was so excited for her to come over. When she came over, she looked around my house and she said, I think it's time that you get a little more serious your housekeeping. What do you think people are going to say if they come over and they see that this is the way you keep your house? And I was devastated. But I didn't have a voice then. I I just sat there kind of squashed and devastated. I didn't know what to say. But as I reflected on that, over the next couple days and now even years later. Okay? I remember these words twenty years later.

0:34:06
I think and this does not matter what our position is as far as stay at home, work, whatever. I thought, no. God didn't put me on this earth to make a clean house and to put on some show for everybody else. He put me on this Earth to raise my children for him. And that's gonna look different for me than it looked for her. It's gonna look different for each one of us.

0:34:36
But I think it's really important. And when we are cast one of those nay saying moments from someone, it's really important to put through our grid that voice of truth. What does god say? What does God say my job is here? What is the most important thing? And yes, we do have physical things we need to juggle. You may have to keep a job up. You may have to we have to keep our houses to a point where they're safe, right, and cleanly enough. But If they're a little cluttered, if they're outdated, if the paint is chipped, who cares? You know, let's focus. Let's go back and and listen to that voice. And be reminded of what God has called us to do and that that focus to pass on that torch to the next generation and to breathe into them there's a lot of changes that go through society, and they're gonna keep coming. But we know one thing is certain and steady and constant, and that is the lord. And he has good plans for us. Yeah. Amen. You're you're right. God God is the all knowing God who knows what is up, you know, coming up for us and that pairs us for that. I believe that. You know? Yeah.

0:36:00
We go through those difficult times sometimes. In preparation. And I know that, you know, I like the, you know, the the thought that what I went through prepared me -- Mhmm. -- to be open to other mothers and to be able to help them and nothing no experience is wasted. And it took me a long time to come to that understanding because I'm I'm one of those people that looks back and say, oh, rude foolishness, what you wasted your time, you wasted this, and you did that in yet. I find myself now in the position to be understanding and to be able to help someone else -- Yeah. -- through that difficult time. And now my prayer is lord, show me how to use my past to help someone today. And that's what this podcast really sort of came around. It was, Lord, I've been through all this. Show me what I can do to use that, don't let that pass, and those trials go to waste. You know? Right. And I think that that is I I think that we need to recognize God's voice and -- Yeah. -- you know, be able to help other other women other mothers. And like you said, it doesn't matter their circumstance. Right. You know, we're still mothers. Mhmm. And we still love our children and we want the best for our children.

0:37:43
What is one thing that you would tell the listeners today? No matter where you are, you can speak life and speak truth into somebody else. So if it's mom to mom, grandma, to grandchild if you run into somebody at the grocery store. Just be one of those people that speaks life and encourages. Yeah. Amen. Thank you for that. And If there was one question that you wished I asked you, what would it be? And what would your answer have been?

0:38:19
One thing that I have learned and I don't know that I knew it at the early end of my motherhood. But I understand now is how important it is to be praying for my children that when I pray for my children, it can take it can go further than I can. You know when they're little, that's praying for them for things that I see. And as I have some that are grown and on their own, I can still pray for them and I can reach into their life beyond where I physically am. You know, I have kids that live in different states now. And that is so important for me to be praying for them. Okay.

0:39:08
So can you tell us where the listeners can find you, and the the all that information will be in the show notes, but maybe you can tell us as well where we can find you. Sure. So I'm on Instagram and my name over there is tending fields. I think we have so many fields in our lives as women, you know, marriage, family, homes, all the things that we we juggle and struggle with. We need to tend those wells. So Tending Fields on Instagram. I have a page on Facebook called Tending Fields and a mom's group there called Tending Fields moms group. But then I also do love chatting with women. And so I have a podcast called The Mom Next Door Stories of Faith. And I interview ordinary moms just like you and me and I love to get their story and hear what the Lord has done in their lives. It's just such a yes.

0:40:06
Pam, thank you for joining me today and sharing a part, a small part of your story, your wisdom, and your knowledge, with my out of the darkness listeners. Thank you for joining me. To stay connected, follow me on Instagram and Facebook. If you like this podcast, can you help me find new listeners by leaving a rating and review? This small step takes only a moment. But really helps grow the listening audience. So let me thank you in advance. I hope you have a wonderful day and until next time. Let's continue on our journey as followers of Jesus Christ. I am Ruth Hovsepian.

Shownotes created by https://podium.page

The Power of Mothers Who Pray
Praying for Grown Children
Intentional Prayer Connection
The Power of Generational Prayer
Making the Most of Busy Seasons
Self-Care Through Spiritual Growth