Dealing with Life's Trials: Overcoming Trauma with Faith and Self-Esteem with NEICY SQUIRE

This episode of Out of the Darkness is about Neicy Carla Squire's journey of resilience and courage despite being discouraged by those around her. She speaks about how to deal with difficult life events and encourages us to have faith in God, even in the midst of adversity. Missy Carlos Squire also has a meaningful discussion about the power of purpose and self-esteem, reminding us that no matter what we have been through, there is still favor in life. 

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Chapters: 

0:00:00 - Navigating Life's Trials 

0:10:40 - Overcoming Trauma with Faith in God 

0:24:32 - The Power of Purpose and Self-Esteem 

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Transcript

0:00:00
Kinda began on myself because I was like, why did I stay for so long? What was wrong with me? Like, some some of the girlfriends that I had talked to, they say, well, you stupid for for staying. But a lot of times, people on the outside looking in don't realize the significant impact on the psychological tie. Hi. I'm Ruth Hovsepian.

0:00:28
Welcome to the out of the darkness podcast where we help you navigate life's trials based on eight and difficult truths. Today, I am joined by Neicy Carla Squire, who is an author, speaker, life coach, and overcomer. She is the mother of five grown children and nine grandchildren. Neicy worked as a crisis social worker for twenty years and then decided to step out into her true purpose. Neicy is the founder of Envision Your Success, which is her speaking platform and a housing empowerment program for single women with children She is passionate to inspire, motivate, and give hope to those who have been through extreme devastation trauma, abuse, and rejection using her personal experiences. Welcome Neicy to out of the darkness today. Let's jump right in and have you tell us a little bit about your journey from escaping an abusive and dangerous marriage with your five children to becoming a motivational success speaker today? Well, first of all, I wanna say thank you so much, Ruth, for having me here. This is an honor and privilege. I love being able to connect with like minded people and people that have a heart for serving others that have been through trauma, devastation, there's a whole lot of different things that they may not have understood.

0:02:02
So I am the oldest of fourteen children. My mom and dad have been married for about sixty years. And I knew them as pretty much the bulk of my my childhood was them being in the church and them being married. And, you know, they had to share problems, but I never I never had an encounter with abuse or nor anything about abuse. And so when I was probably around sixteen years old, I began to date this young man that went to our church. And he seemed like a definitely a Christian, young man, we we studied the bible together. We went to charge me school. Something in the choir. I would play the organ at times, and we would be in the the choir rehearsals. And so we we had a whole lot of connections that far as us just getting to know each other. And I really felt like this was a man. You know, sometimes, when you feel like, okay. This he's not he's not only looks good, but he's a man of God, and he's treating me like a queen. You kinda fall head over heels. And so that was the kind of, like, the beginning of of how our relationships started. So I just knew that this was a Matthew Heavy. And, you know, he was a man for me. He was a guy lead man, and we were gonna do a great work for Guy.

0:03:33
But as as time was unveiled, things began to take a turn. So how did it get to the point where you had you felt that you needed to take your children and make a new life for yourself. Well, we're always and I talk about this in my book. My my book is entitled winning in life no matter what. It's basically my story of being able to make it out of domestic violence. But then there was also a a a different plan also. So it started up very chaotic and and scary and me not knowing. But as I navigated through that, I saw something deeper. But I in my book, I would say, you know, I would kinda be down on myself because I was like, why did I stay for so long? What was wrong with me? Like, some some of the girlfriends that I had talked to, they say, well, you stupid for for staying. But a lot of times, people on the outside looking in don't realize the significant impact on the psychological tied with that that person that they're with because it didn't start off like that.

0:04:53
Like I was saying before, he started off Christian he started out this man who treated me like a queen.

0:05:00
He he, you know, loved me. He he I don't know him. He was affected me. He showed me everything that I felt like this was a good man. And so when I got into our marriage, And we were it was on one occasion that we were getting ready. Actually, we were getting ready to go to church. And he ended up locking his key in the house. And at that time, you know, once you lock the door, you, you know, you can't you can lock your key inside the house. So, anyway, he came out and me not, you know, knowing how frustrated he was. He came to my side of the car where I was sitting out waiting for him and he was was like, you don't have to, you know, go through the window and get my key out. And I just was like, I'm not gonna be able to do that because the the window set up kinda high off the ground and in my condition. Anyway, I couldn't I couldn't do that. And so before in his frustration, Ruth, before he before I knew it, he had bent me out of the car he threw me up against the car window. He began to choke me. He was frustrated. I never seen this side of him. I never knew but he had a temper because he never showed me that for the the three years. And I kid you not the three years that we courted, The three years that we dated, I never saw that side of him. And so he he ended up dragging me to the side of the house, and he choked me again.

0:06:32
But I when I was able to get a red and all the things that had happened, I went to my my pastor, my leader. I went two two other people, you know, that was in the church, you know, people that I lived up to. And what I was told was pray about it, stay, and God is gonna bless you. That's what I was told. And as a young girl of Rauma, like nineteen years old, I just was listening to my elders, and it it happened more than once. And I stay there because I'm trying to be obedient. I'm trying to be a Christian girl. I'm trying to do the right thing. God hates the worst. That's what I was told. That hits the words. So don't leave your husband. Pray about it, and God is gonna bless you. And so I stayed time and time again. And it wasn't like he was like doing this every day, but it was it was a number of times that I could have been killed in that. And so that's why in my book, I say, I don't know what was wrong with me, but I I believe now it was that the way I was brought up the psychological aspect me having my children.

0:07:46
So a lot of women encountered this because it's not just that easy just to walk away. How did you get that courage? Because I totally understand what it means to have to be in a church family. Where they don't understand where what you're going through. Like, when I went through my divorce, my circumstances were different. But when I went through my divorce, my church split. There was a whole group that actually walked away from the church because my dad was the pastor of the church. And they thought that he was cordoning divorce and that he was encouraged. They had no idea what had been happening. And I found that to be so discouraging, so difficult, you know, here you are going through such a difficult time, right, in your personal life. And now on top of it, you have this external people that, as you said, people hand on for exactly guidance.

0:08:48
So how did you how did you get that courage to say, I've gotta do what I have to do. It came with me, Ruth, and that's really good because I know a lot of people face those psychological, those emotional, ties when you what's the people that you think is is will be there for you. You know, you've You've went to church with them. You broke bread with them. You've been through active with them. You've prayed with them.

0:09:20
And now at this lowest time of your life, they kinda just disconnect from you as if you're nothing because, oh, no. You're going against what, you know, the scripture says, And so it it really can take a toll on you. And so for me, I know I began to just have this I won't be defeated. I believe attitude. I believe I I began to and and I'm not saying it didn't bother me, but I I believe that the more I just kept pushing through and say, you know what? This is not like And if I'm gone, who's gonna take care of my children? If I'm if I'm gone, like I like, that that's a disservice to what I know God has for me on my life. And so I have to stand up and I have to do what I need to do for my life and for my children's life and other people's opinion does not matter. At the end of the day, people gonna not like you even if you did everything that they thought that you should've do, they they still gonna have something to pick out that they don't like about you. They're gonna judge you and we're gonna talk about you. And so I begin to just build up this Independents to say, you know what? As long as I'm at peace with it, that's where I'm gonna be at. That's where I'm gonna be at.

0:10:40
It's a difficult decision to make, and I know that one of the things that goes through our minds, especially those of us that have grown up in the church. Of, you know, why did this happen to me? What did I do wrong? And look, you you said you knew this young man for three years, you corded, you're in a church, a safe haven. How does a young woman today? Who is facing some thing like this and said, but, Lord, what did I do wrong? Why is this happening to me? What do you say to her?

0:11:14
Well, over my years of gaining some more understanding and some mature as he I came to the conclusion that sometime, God allows things to happen to us We may not understand it in that time and that space. But he says that, yay, do I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I won't fear any evil because God is with us. So every step of our lives, he's filled with us. It may be terrible. It may be trauma. There may be things that you're like. God, where are you at? Because I prayed those prayers. God, where are you at? Like, God, I'm saying the right thing. I tried to study. I tried to be a good wife. I tried to serve you. I I've done the right thing as much as I could, and I don't understand this. But I believe that TD Jake's put me on to this. He says, some time, God allows things because he's trying to pull out of you what you have on the inside of you, that's purpose. It's probably as I you and I just was talking about this other day roof.

0:12:25
If you have a diamond and everybody sees a beautiful diamond, they they you know, we like to wear this beautiful diamond on finger. I don't have a diamond on right now. We, like, the way I do we use a diamond on our finger. And and and the man some of them wear a diamond in their ear. Every people love the diamonds. You're you're a lure by diamonds shine bright like a diamond. But cannot tell you this before that diamond could shine white, before that diamond could be on our finger. That diamond had to go through its own process, and it was extreme pressure with that diamond. So I I did a research on him. And it was, like, I believe, seventy seven hundred pounds of pressure that to wear for that diamond to form, the pressure was placed on it. Twenty two thousand Fahrenheit degree temperature and extreme intense heat, but that diamond had to go through before it gets shiny. Right? Like a tiny man.

0:13:24
And so sometime in our lives, he unravels things that we say God, why don't you why don't you allow that? God, you knew that man was gonna treat me like that. God, you knew that man was gonna leave me. God, you knew that man was gonna cheat on me. But sometimes sometimes he just allows things because he knows that your purpose is greater than where you are right now. And so I believe that when I went through the things that I went through, it was just setting me up for a higher purpose in him. It was moving and and developing me. It was bringing things out of me that I didn't realize that I had on the inside of me. That's that's my take on that. Yeah. It's true. You know, like, when we're going through it, we don't see -- Mhmm. -- the value of what is happening to us. No. You come out on the other side years later -- Yes. -- look back. Right? And, I mean, the the the fact that you wrote a book called look beyond the clouds and see this sun. Mhmm. What what motivated you and inspired you to to write this book?

0:14:34
Been a licensed crisis, social worker, counselor, therapist for the last, basically, like, twenty years. As I've always had this desire to help people. Because they're like, when you go through something, It's not just about you going through it. I said, I feel like nothing that you've been through in your life is for vain. Now, you may cry tears as I cry quite a plenty of tears. You may, you know, feel so overwhelmed and outdone, but I believe that I went through that so I could help somebody else out. And so when I went in counseling people even in as a crisis social worker, it was a lot of times, it was something that I had already went through personally myself. And then I could be relatable to them. I could help them.

0:15:22
And so sometimes when you you go through things and you you want to be a side for yourself and you wanna say, this is so unfair, but he's saying, all things worked together for the good of those that love the boy in the card according to his purpose and his plan. And so it may not feel good. It may not not do it, but it's working. It's working. Totally good. Yes. Amen. Amen to this. For the greater glory of God. You know, we we need to use we need to use the the bad things that happened to us to to not allow the person who hurt us to have control over our lives. We No, ma'am. Yeah. Turn it over to the Lord. Let him take control of our lives. How do we over come what we've gone through to be successful in the future.

0:16:19
When I was going through that deep period of depression was I began to saturate. This is how what I did. I began to saturate my mind with people's stories. So for me, I I was on YouTube and I don't know if you familiar with people like Les Brown and when, you know, T. D. Jason -- Yeah. -- calling Robbins. And I instead of me feeling sorry for myself and Joel O'STEIN, and that's a story behind that too. Joe Austin. And because I think Joe Austin said this you said you your purpose is being you don't have time to sit around and think it's all about you. Because I I could be sitting there and slinky me like, this is so unfair. Why why did this happen to me? I'm a good person. Why me? They said, it's not about you thinking about you and Stan and you Moe. It's about what he's trying to get to you to get through to to other people. I guess that's why I wanna say it. Because I've saturated my mind. Day and night, I I would have there whenever I had a chance to, I would have my eyebrows and my ears and I was listening. I was listening to T. V. J.

0:17:34
Talked about when he he said, I think it was, like, ten years that he was, like, struggling and struggling. No. Trying to do the work that God gave him and do And he said, one of the stories he said, well, he said that he would preach on faith, and that he would come home to his unique electricity being turned off. Now talking without faith in God, you never believed in and stand on God's word. And when he said that was a struggle, He just talked about all the different things that he went through, but yet and still he had his throat and on the pad. That's that's a real big belief. And and and and and staying, stay at fast and being resilient when things are not going the way you want them to go in your life. When when, you know, you you lose everything, you you electric is turned up, your water is turned up, or whatever whatever you're encountering, at that point you were like, and you still gotta keep stay in the pad. You still gotta believe. So that's well, that's when I when I lived in Orlando, Florida. He came there for a big event, and I was able to meet with him and deal with another event.

0:18:41
So I love reading those the books that that talks without quit this is aging, but the cost is great. The cost is great. The grit this is aging. So I would I would that's what one of the main things that I would say because I had to really what's that word that I wanna use? Counts or act all of the never thoughts that kept coming in my mind. You're you're not good enough. You're you're nobody nobody don't love. You look at the way these men have treated you. You know, look at your different experiences that you've had. Like, there's what? No. No. I don't want you. And so there's all these thoughts that were negative thoughts that would try to, like, you know, you know, you know, you have that that cloud or, you know, whatever dark cloud or some thoughts that come to you and you wanna step out and do something once you're in play because something in your mind, so you know nobody's gonna like you. You know, nobody whatever. Whatever.

0:19:38
So I would just saturate my mind with thoughts that would built me up. I would saturate my mind with affirmations. I will get in the mirror and say, you are, you are chosen. You are somebody. You are God. So you have blessings and purpose in your life. I will just say that to myself over and over. Can I still do that? That's that's my regular mantra. I'm getting up early in the morning. I'll do my men say, this is the way I I like to to start my day out. So I have meditation and serenity and and and peace. And and then speaking life to myself. And so even when today, I'm being a tax is is still is still has some things that continue to happen that tries to challenge you. But I felt like I've built up enough rough skin or tough skin, as they say, to keep on moving through. So in a sense of one of people that I normally don't like me, I can walk with a smell on my face and my hair a little high because you have no say so over the blessings that God has for me. That's the way I look at it. That's the way I look at it.

0:20:51
It's true because Satan will always bring up those negative thoughts, the past, when you are, you know, striving for something. There you are, you know, having a great day and suddenly you know, a second throws in that thought. B. C. Who are you? Don't you remember? Exactly. It's when you're so right. Right? It it's when you're at your peak. Right? When you're when you think you've got everything under control and all of a sudden that thought rude, who are you? Where Yeah. Because our mom Mhmm. Yeah. So it's true. You know, we really need to be you know, I think we need to focus on where we are, what we're doing, where we are with the Lord. Otherwise, we allow Satan to take us hostage or to take our mind and our thoughts. Lostage. So tell me what is one of the most important lessons that you have learned over your journey. Mhmm. I'm a I'm a go back to I'm a come back to that if that's okay. Sure. I wanna go over to what you just see, you know, we gotta remain focused on what God has for us. Because, see, what is a distraction So I've asked this question when I'm talking to people, and I said, if you have a place that you want to go, and this is an analogy I'll I'll use when people especially when I'm talking with my youth that'll laugh about it.

0:22:20
But I'm you're driving in a direction and you're going maybe you're on your way to to Atlanta or whatever. So I I gotta get to Atlanta. I'm driving in my car. And out of this side of your eye, you see Burger King, have it your way, And you're driving. You gotta be there at a certain time because you see Burger King, the big wiper with cheese, and fries, and a Coke.

0:22:46
Furthering out of your life, and you get off that exit, and you get that you've been distracted. Right? You've been distracted. Another way that we can be distracted is when the enemy tries to throw shade at us in all kinds of ways. And you gotta look at it. It's just a distraction. It's just trying to get your mind off of the direction.

0:23:12
The focus, the purpose, the the path that you are meant to go in, and you gotta recognize that. And you you recognize that, and then you act accordingly. You recognize that and you stay focused. You say focus on where you wanna be, what you want feel like, what what you feel like God's plan is for your life. And so that that's when you say a focus that I think is you have to be intentional.

0:23:36
So every day, I'm intentional about, okay. And I'm not I'm not saying I'm I'm perfect because I I definitely am human. I have my days, but I feel like I've come a long way because maybe in the past, I would have now that whatever somebody when when somebody didn't know has tried to work for my parents, I would allow that to take me into a mode of depression. I would allow that to take me to feel like, oh, well, I guess you're nothing. They don't like you, so you must not be nothing. And so and so but now it's like, okay. Okay. You know what might be? God loves me. Okay. I'm a keep it moving. So you're intentional. You're focused. You're aware of the distractions and you keep it moving because the the the purpose or the intention for your life is way bigger than this little my new thing at this time. Okay? So keep To the moment. To the moment. Okay. You're right about that.

0:24:32
You know, we do need to be in touch we need to be intentional with everything that we are doing, you know, whether it's helping someone or being in the presence of the lord intentionally, you know, we need to be where we are. So let's go back to the crash what is the most important lesson that you have learned over this, you know, journey that you've had. Since I have been on this this enlightenment journey of my part of my of my life is purpose. Alarm that purpose, what cataracts everything else. And so, you know, that's the most important lesson, like, you know, whatever happens in life, what is the purpose behind this, you know, what is the you know, the deepness of of whatever has went on. There's something deeper, you know, that you're just meant to get to And so I've learned that, you know, even past my pain, like, purpose overrise that.

0:25:38
You know, even past my letdown's purpose overrise that, even past my marriage not working out purpose overrise that I'm a purpose pusher, so everything that I want to do is to give me content to push others through also and allow them to be ignited and allow something to spare within their spirit that they didn't even realize you know, I had a friend that she was married for, like, thirty years, and her husband end up leaving her for her best friend. And that friend that friend became she's an alcoholic as far as I know, to this day because she couldn't give up get over the fact that he left her. And so I think a lot of times when people go through stuff that can really, like, wear wear on on their psychological and their where just their soul, the deepness of their soul can really take a a a a an effect have a bad effect on them. And so when I can be able to sir, something that we're doing because I kinda have some some real laterability. I kinda know what it feels like to to be down and out. Kinda know what the feels like to go through deep depression. I kinda know what the feels like to to feel like nobody cares. I kinda know what the feels like to be rejecting over and over again. And so when I can be used to be able to to enlighten them and empower them and to motivate them and to push them and to help them to realize that God is greater any negative let down that you've experienced. And his his logic and his desire for your life is not to harm you. But Jeremiah twenty nine in eleven says, I know the thoughts and the plans that I have for you declare the word, the plan to prosper you and not harm you. A plan to give you a hope in the future. And so when we're in the thick of what we're going to do, we don't see that. But when I come and I can empower them and I can put something in into a spirit and I can ignite something in their mind, and they see that that that's that's great for me. That that's a big thing for me. That's what I love. That's what I'm passionate about. I can see that you -- Mhmm. -- you come alive when you talk about motivation and talking to other people.

0:27:59
So Tell us a little bit about what excites you about being a motivational speaker, speaking to young girls or young boys, what is it that gives you this purpose, this fire that you have? Well, like I was saying, in the beginning, I love helping people. I mean, that's just I don't know. I'm the oldest of fourteen kids, you know. I I love helping people that that's what gives me a puts a smell on my thirties when I know that I can make a a a great difference, a positive difference.

0:28:38
In someone else's life, when I can push someone that's the underdog, you know, maybe it's because of my own personal experiences. You know, feel like the underdog or whatever. And then I can, like, be able to build up confidence in them because I I ran a a girl's empowerment program some years a few years back. And I love being able to help them build up their self esteem because I feel like if you built up someone's self esteem, certain thing they won't accept certain things. And so when I talk to my young lady who said, you know you're a queen. You're a queen. And so when I when I was raising my my I have five girls four I'm sorry. Four girls and one son, when I was raising them, I would teach them at the dinner table every night. I would tell them you are queen, if you are a king, you that you were to be treated with dignity, pride, honor and respect and you won't accept nothing less. So I feel like when I get this into their spirit and I allow this to saturate in their mind, that will help them with the choices that they're making.

0:29:46
So with some smooth talkers, try to, you know, you know, smooth side gel. They're like, okay. I'm a, you know, I'm a remember what what Mincey was saying, you know, You know, I'm a I'm, you know, using wisdom or whatever. So me being able to help them in that way. I mean, I'm I just love that. I love being able to help people and bring people up And, you know, I know everybody has been through their own journey. And even the people that may grab you the wrong way, they have something good in them. You know, you may not interact with them all the time because you're like, oh, my goodness. Your spirit is like, but I don't know that they still have something good in them. And so the the young people that would kinda be, like, you know, rougher around their neck or whatever when I was being in the school system. I I would see, but they still had this soft Tinder side of them. There's something good in in everybody, and I wanna be able to just, like, let that shine and bring that out. Yeah.

0:30:44
And I think the I think the younger generation is really needing that encourage shipment. That's what they would tell me. Yeah. To respect themselves. Right? Because -- Mhmm. -- our culture and society is not uplifting to this younger generation. So we need to instill in our children and our children around us Mhmm. You are more than what culture tells me. Oh, definitely. You definitely As you said, you're a king, you're a queen you're child.

0:31:17
God. Right? Yes. All else. As children of god, we need to, you know, respect ourselves and respect each other as well. So Sure. Yeah. Yeah. We really need to encourage this younger generation to to be respectful of themselves first. Right? Yeah. Starts with themselves, loving themselves, honoring themselves, yet and there's nothing wrong with it because sometimes you they maybe people would think, well, you know, you're not really you're being selfish or something. You know, that's the kinda, like, thinking that I think especially with women. If you were yourself, if you, you know, if you were just taking care of yourself or whatever, you I'd need to always be taking care of somebody else. And so but, yeah, you have to love yourself first and then, you know, you know, what's not acceptable from somebody else when you when you love yourself first. So Exactly. Be okay with that. Yep. Be okay with that. Yeah.

0:32:17
What is the biggest takeaway that you hope that today the listeners got from our conversation and from what you have said. The favor on your life. Don't don't don't think that just because you've been through something terrible that you don't have favor all your life. Well, Neicy, I wanna thank you for joining me today, sharing your story. Thank you for having me. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your enthusiasm, and friends, check out the show notes below to connect with Neicy Carla Squire Thank you again, Neicy. Thank you, Ruth. I appreciate you so much. God bless you. Mhmm. Thank you for joining me to stay connected Follow me on Instagram and Facebook. If you like this podcast, can you help me find new listeners by leaving a rating and review. This small step takes only a moment, but really helps grow the listening audience. So let me thank you in advance. I hope you have a wonderful day and until next time. Let's continue on our journey as followers of Jesus Christ. I am Ruth Hovsepian.