Out of the Darkness with Ruth Hovsepian

Forgiving His Abusers with Pastor MARK SOWERSBY

March 20, 2023 Ruth Hovsepian/Pastor Mark Sowersby Season 1 Episode 11
Out of the Darkness with Ruth Hovsepian
Forgiving His Abusers with Pastor MARK SOWERSBY
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

This episode explores the power of forgiveness and healing through the journey of Pastor Mark Sowersby, a survivor of abuse and suffering. Pastor Mark shares how his faith was able to help him trust and eventually forgive his abusers. The conversation also touches on the importance of family and the impact of an absent father. The power of forgiveness is examined, emphasizing that it is not 'forgive and forget' but rather a process that must be repeated daily. Finally, the speakers discuss the importance of loving ourselves first to love others and the peace and joy that comes from knowing that God loves us.


Chapters:

(0:00:00) - Forgiveness and Healing
(0:11:56) - Finding Healing Through Fatherhood
(0:22:17) - The Power of Forgiveness
(0:26:31) - Becoming an Overcomer
(0:31:52) - God Loves You



Connect with Pastor Mark Sowersby:

✔LinkedIn - http://linkedin.com/in/mark-sowersby-660aa1236

✔Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/forgiving_the_nightmare_/

✔Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/forgivingthenightmare

✔Website - www.forgivingthenightmare.com

✔YouTube -https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKS97tXY8cSiQLfRXXBCMXw

✔Book - https://www.amazon.com/Forgiving-Nightmare-Mark-Sowersby/dp/1951475186


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✔LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/ruthhovsepian/
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MUSIC
hot music - winning-elevation

0:00:00
If you're a loving god, then why was I raped for seven years? Why was my body pierced with a screwdriver? Why was there burns on my feet? Why would my teeth knock out? If you're loving God, why did this happen? Hi. I'm Ruth Helps up again.

0:00:20
Welcome to the Out of The Darkness Podcast, where we help you navigate live trials based on eight and difficult truths. Pastor Mark Sowersby is a speaker, writer, and pastor. In 2019, pastor Mark went through a time of great healing. He began speaking about the nightmare of abuse and years of suffering he experienced in childhood, and how condemnation shame and guilt were replaced with abundant forgiveness, joy, and life. He now speaks about his story and his testimony of healing, forgiveness, and freedom through his ministry for giving the nightmare. He has overcome so much to walk into god's calling for his life. Keep listening to hear about his life when he was younger in how he experienced the transformational power of true forgiveness and began his mission serving the body of Christ.

0:01:19
Welcome, Pastor Mark to Out of the Darkness podcast. Thank you for coming on and sharing your story with us and with the listeners. And there are many men who have a dealt with abuse and have a story similar to yours and I believe that your testimony will bless someone today. So welcome. Thank you for having me. It's honored to be with you and your audience. Thank you for the opportunity to lift up the name of Jesus and share my testimony with you and your audience today. So thanks for for having me. My pleasure.

0:01:55
So, pastor Mark, would you tell us a bit about the ministry that you have going right now? Sure. You know, I'm a first of all, I'm a pastor. Nine to five pastors, no nine to five pastors. I'm just a pastor. I pastor a regular church right here up here in Massachusetts. We do all the things that a church would do. We bury. We bury. We do pot luxe, communion, everything else in between. But a few years ago, we launched ministry called forgiving the nightmare. And it was about my own personal testimony of forgiving those who trust passed against me and the journey in which that was. So we've come beside organizations and people and been able to be on different podcasts and TV to talk about how God has brought me on this journey to say, even though the traumas and the page were so real and so deep, got through through lots of left and right ups and downs to me giving up and me going forward, one step forward, two steps back. Within all within it all, God has led me to be able to forgive those who trespassing against me. Would you share a little bit about what you called your nightmare and within your childhood? Sure.

0:03:07
For the ages of seven to fourteen, I was horribly abused. I was abused in every way, shape and form. I was abused by a man, my mother with Mary who she was he was twenty years her younger, If he would come into the home, if he would have molest me, beat me, stab me, sell me to others, hold me down, verbally, just attack me, in every way, shape, before. Wherever your mind can go is probably what happened to me. I'll never forget the night that he came into the room when I heard the crackle of the threshold. I felt the breath and his weight upon my body. And as he stole my innocence that night, as he as he took me as his own pleasure of lust, he would speak to me at the end, and these words echoed in my mind for a long, long time. He would say, Marquis, because that's what they called me that no one will ever believe you, if you tell anybody about this. Marky, if you ever tell anybody, it'll be your fault. They'll take you away, Marky. It'll be your your doing. And For a long time, those words echoed in me and abuse happened from seven to fourteen almost daily. A very few times didn't have five moments of relief from the pain and the sorrow. He sold me to others and he molested me and and just took whatever he could from me and left me a shell, left me broken, left me sad, really, I had a lot of emotions back then, but what I felt most of all in the midst of that abuse was numb. I just felt numb and empty. I Of course, there was fear, coughs, there was anger, of course, there was sadness and brokenness. But I would think one word that sums up those seven years numb. I was just trying to get through. I tell people a lot of times, I survived my childhood. I wasn't raised. And again, that caused a lot of these functions, and hurts, and pains, and as big as that that flesh attack was, as big as they have a less day and that her and the abuse was, the lies that my abuser told me, that stole my dignity, my self respect, and my confidence was is almost as bad as the abuse itself. The abuse ended at fourteen.

0:05:10
What happened a couple of things happened is I I got big enough to fight my attacker off. Something clicked in my head. I don't know. I think as I look back now, I realized I was groomed. Before the first attack. And when you're groomed, really, you're brainwashed. You were brainwashed and and groomed for this attack. And then at fourteen years old, something clicked and I said no more. If you try to take something from me, I'm gonna fight back. I'm gonna I'm gonna push you off and that's what I did. I pushed off But at the same time, I found somebody who believed me.

0:05:41
I found my mother's brother, my uncle. I went to him a real blue collar guy, just loved us, and I remember after after work one day, I went and told him. And he picked me up with his big strong hands. I was fourteen, and he said, Mark, but are you telling stories? I said, no. And he defended me that day with his words, was his authority, his power, and his love. And after, you know, at fourteen, it never happened again. Ugly fourteen years of abuse in sorrow. But again, at fourteen, it never happened again, but the words of the abused and lived within my spirit soul in mind for many many years after?

0:06:17
A young boy of fourteen and fifteen move on and turn his life around. What was that turning point for you? Sure. You know, I was trying to figure out what happened. You know, I didn't have I did have a a a a rooted position. I didn't understand. I didn't know where to go with everything that was happening to my head. But I was still a fifteen year old boy, fourteen, fifteen year old boy. And I was hanging out at a at an apartments pool, at the apartment complex's pool.

0:06:46
In this lifeguard, she asked me to go to church with her. And I would've went anywhere she asked me to go. And hurt her boyfriend picked me up at church that night. And but I went to a a church like I never experienced before. It it was lively. I had drums, guitars. The pastor was was young, you know, it was the eighties. We all had bullets. That was the rule. You know, so we all had it. You know, that's kinda what happened. This this youth group just surrounded me with their love, with their with their grace, with their friendship.

0:07:19
And that was on a Wednesday night. We used to do church Wednesday night, Friday night, Sunday morning, Sunday night, as you probably remember. And and on a Friday a Saturday actually, we were gonna go on a trip. They're gonna go hike a mountain. In our area, we have a mountain called Mount Medanock. In in my eyes on that Saturday morning, there had to be a hundred cars there's probably only, like, six. But then in my mind, it was, like, a hundred cars and there were beep of the horn calling me down. And I didn't have money. I didn't have equipment, I didn't have the shoes, I didn't have anything, but that didn't matter. They just called me down, and I went hiking with them that day. And that day, I finally felt somewhat normal. And that day would bring me on a journey. And later that day, I would ask Jesus Christ to become my Lord and savior. I didn't understand the depth of the prayer I was making fifteen, sixteen years old that summer still trying to figure out which way is up and back and why and if and how, but God heard that prayer and he was faithful to it. And then you went on to become a pastor. What what was the call that you heard to become a pastor? Well, there was a lot in between that fifteen and that pastor calling.

0:08:30
And the first thing, I think that what what happens is somebody who has trauma. And really, that's what forgiven the nightmares about. It's not just about child abuse. That's my trouble. And it was real, and it hurt, and it was ugly, and I've had to deal with it most of my life. It was the water that shaped the rock of my life. It really may be turned and pull away and go forward. But Forgiven the nightmare, the nightmare could be anything. Right? Forgiven the nightmare, anybody, any person probably has a trauma that they've walked through that's tried to steal from them their dignity, self respect, and faith.

0:09:04
So the first casualty, not the only casualty, but the first casualty of trauma is usually you don't trust. You stop trusting people, things, church, God, you know, you you you speak like this, and I'll trust you as far as I can throw you. You you say, I'll trust the dog or the cat more than I trust you. So God had to bring me on a journey where I could start learning to trust God. Again, every wall was up. My Spidey senses was always waiting for that other foot to drop, that other lie to come, that other rejection, to take place. So now I'm a Christian, but I have no sense of what that means. You know, does that mean I go to youth group on Wednesday night and Go camping on Saturday. What does it mean to be a Christian?

0:09:46
In in in trying to find not a religion, not a not a a theology, not not an organization. I wanted to know God. I did read real well. But I said God, I'm gonna pray to you. In those five, six years in between the first time I accepted the Lord and go to bible college. Again, I had one foot injuries to say, I had one foot outs. You know, I was messing up and going forward. Some days, I felt like super Christian other days, I felt like mud. You know, I just was walking with God. Learning to trust God.

0:10:18
You know, I'm sure we'll talk a bit a bit more about it, but this journey did not start off by saying, God, I wanna forgive. This journey started off by saying, God, I want more of you. And by seeking God, by trying to know who God is, by by seeking God with all my heart, with all my mind, with all my strength. Eventually, the sum of that would be forgiveness. But it didn't happen overnight. You know, my miracle came on my journey. Some miracles happened in this twinkling of an eye. But my journey my miracle came on a journey. I was the one that he left the ninety nine for more than once. Well, I think that that is something true for many of us there. You know, we we are one foot here and one foot here, and it takes an advance sometimes to really just bring us over completely both feet on the right side.

0:11:10
And how has your faith given you the strength to keep moving on? To write a book, to start a ministry. What is it about your faith that has given you this strength? It's real. You know, I really believe as a God. I really believe Jesus died for me. I really believe God speaks to my heart, not audibly. I really believe he he leads me and why his word and gut fills me with this spirit doesn't make me better than anybody. It's just that's what I believe. So I believe it's so genuine. I believe it's so real that I truly put my trust in it because in my journey discovering God, he would help me. Learned to trust him. So, you know, he told me years ago in my early twenties to write a book. I wrestled with that. I said, no.

0:11:56
Dyslexic we talked about that free show. Mhmm. I'm a dyslexic. I'm not an educator. I'm not an academic. You know, I'm a survivor. So, you know, I and everything was robbed for me. You know, that dignity, that self respect, that confidence, that value. You know, that all all was robbed for me. In, I I but I said, I want God. I really want God. In in discovering God, learning how to move a mountain, learning how to tell a tree to be reflected. What does that mean, well, God started me with a pebble. Mark, let's move a pebble. Let's move a hill. Let's move a stone. Let's move a boulder.

0:12:30
And eventually, years later, there wasn't overnight. I didn't go to church, say a prayer, throw two bucks in the plate and went home and everything was good. It was lots and lots of tears, lots and lots of surrender, lots and lots of y, and finally go into counseling and coaching, And all those things coming together is when the Lord said to me, write this book, and I did it out of obedience. I wanted to change, you know, I kinda give a word image here. My life was white knuckles. You know, and I clinged to the hurt. I claimed on to the the fear and my white my my hands were so tight. I was always waiting. Always, where are you gonna reject me? What are you gonna put me you know, what just tell me you don't love me because I knew you did it because I didn't love myself. And then as the healing began to come, in a sense, I realized the grip was becoming looser. My ears were coming more open. My heart was becoming softer. And and I hey. If you said Buddha being too loud, I was going back. But slowly. So a preset by preset, the Lord started to pour his healing bomb on me. And and I started to learn to trust God and walk in that. So it's real. So I tell people, you know, I I wrote the book for a couple reasons first out of obedience.

0:13:50
And second, I wanted to give my children something. My kids are still young. My sons going into a senior year. My youngest is just about to turn ten. But some day they're gonna be twenty and thirty and forty, they're gonna be parents and grandparents, and I wanted to give them to say, listen, no matter what kind of battle comes to your life. God, if we trust in Him. Not easy. If we trust in Him, God will be with us in it.

0:14:13
It's a good point that you brought up about our children and your children, how does fatherhood look like to you with your your past and the the journey that you have taken with the board. Sure. You know, I'm a soft one. You know how there's two parents. Right? Mommy has to be the tired one, and she doesn't like to. But I have, you know, I I spoil too much. But at the same time, I'm very protective. Like, I'm like, hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Because I don't want my kids to fall into any kind of herd base. Right. So so, yeah, it's been a great journey. It's matured me. I've I know.

0:14:50
I remember I wrote an article too not too long ago, and I said, I looked at my kids and I said, they were so confident they seem to always wanna be first. They don't they're not a fear afraid of trying something new. They raised their hands and I looked to my kids and I said, Lord, how did my kids become so confident. Right? Like, Lord, I don't have that. You know, I didn't hand that to him.

0:15:13
And in my prayer life, Lord said because they have a dad. And a mom and a dad. You know, I understand the life. I grew up in a single home and and I understand that. Let's say that's the only way.

0:15:23
When he said he has a dad and he said children that have parents that love them. You know, they always know they have a safe place to go. A place of protection, a place of of support, a place of of just, you know, a family. And that gives them the ability to to be confident outside the home because I have some place to go back to be safe. I said that I oh, I'm sorry. I said that the Lord I I I said the Lord, I I never have a father. How do I how can I give what I I don't have? They said, but I've always been your father. And now now you can give that to your children. So I I hope that answers your question. No. I I I think that it did, and it's true about parents play a dual role.

0:16:12
And I saw that in my own family. And as a single mother of three, there were times where I struggled to find that balance between giving them the rules, the regulations, and being tough, and then holding them, and loving on them, and, you know, being that mother or the father that they needed. So there is a lot of truth and merit. And when we say that that family dynamic of a father and a mother in a home. Each one has a role and you see the emptiness in children. You know, you tried to fill it. They had grandfathered, they had their uncles, they had a father. He just wasn't in the home. So I think there's a huge difference, you know, in in that we we need that family unit together there.

0:17:13
And my children live such a different life than I live. See, I not only did the abuse was in my life constant and shaped me and thought, and praise God, my kids don't experience that or understand that, but also I didn't know my biological father. My mother and him had an affair he was married, my mother was divorced, I was the product of that affair. My father, my birth father, did not want me in his life. Obviously, he had family. He had another cry. He had his wife.

0:17:41
So but I will say that one of the blessings I got in my life at forty five years old I met my birth father. And he was in my life for about four years before he passed. It wasn't warm and fuzzy. It wasn't, hey, daddy, hey, buddy, but it was something. And I know from me our paths crossed at the right time.

0:18:01
I think before that, I would have been angry. I would have been resentful. I would have been needing something from him that he could not give me, better forty five, I was married, had a wife, I had faith, I still had my problems. You know, I still had my I was still in my prayer closet. But at that time, I didn't really need him to be daddy. I just wanted to know who my dad was. And I knew why you came from just the right time in my life.

0:18:27
So, yeah, we got to know him for for four years than he passed, but we talked a lot about sports. We talked about life. He would tell me stories. You know, I wanted I'll be honest, I really wanna to know if he was bald or not. And he wasn't. So he was chubby. He was short. Okay. I got it. But he had it all. So that's Yeah. We we all wanna know who we look like and why we look like that and our characteristics. Good.

0:18:55
So you know, how do we answer someone who says, why did God allow blank to happen to me. And and I would I would be lying to you if I never if I never asked God that question, of course, I did. I asked God that question more than what. If you're a loving God, then why was I raped -- Yeah. -- for seven years? Why was my body pierced with a screwdriver? Why was there burns on my feet? Why was my teeth knocked out? If you're loving God, why did this happen? And you know, that's a hard question. And I tell people sometimes when you ask God a hard question, he's gonna give you a real answer.

0:19:38
Now again, just like meeting my father, there was a season of my life, I probably could I wasn't ready for that answer. But eventually, God answered me that question. And he was honest to me in my spirit. And he said to me this. Now, good. This answer comforted me. I'm not saying this answer covered covers everyone, but this was enough answer that comfort me. And that answer was this. He said Mark I've known you from your mother's womb and I called you to be my servant. Not that I'm special, not that I'm perfect, but I knew I've had this calling as soon as I could realize, you know, at that Christian moment. But he said the the enemy has tried to stiff sift you and steal from you the call of your life from your mother's womb. But you kept turning to me and I was there with you. That's a hard that's a hard answer. There's a lot more questions in that answer than than answer. Right. But it was enough for me to say, okay, God.

0:20:40
You know, we find John the Baptist and he's in prison. And he sends his disciple to see Jesus. And he asked you the disciple says, John wants to know, are you really the one? And I've always wanted Jesus just to say yes, But Jesus doesn't say that. Jesus says, he answers a different way. He said, has John not seen the dead risen and miracles and had not seen the good word? You know, paraphrasing the the the word preached. And I remember closing my bible saying, God, what does that mean? What does that mean? And the Lord spoke to my heart, test this if you would, but he said John didn't need an answer because he already had it. John needed a testimony to know that I was with him. And I think sometimes for what I needed, I already had my answer. My mom's pain, my mom's hurt, the the lust and the sin of the abuser. I already had I didn't want that answer. But when God gave me an answer, it was a testimony. Even though you've been through so much, I never wanted that for you. But because of other people's choices, that was put upon you, but I was with you in at all. Enough answer to satisfy me. Yeah.

0:21:51
And how do you go on to forgive your your abuser, your mother, your father, there there are so many people in your life. We, you know, we there's always someone that we need to forgive someone who has heard us, someone who has spoken ill of us. It doesn't have to be an abuser, but we all have someone in our lives that that, you know, we really should forgive, but we -- Sure. -- have the struggle. Amen.

0:22:17
I think the first thing that I had to understand was what forgiveness is and what forgiveness isn't. Mhmm. You know, where culture forgive and forget. Let God, by god, be by god. Oh, they didn't beat it. Just give me a second. My innocence, my body, my My everything about me was stolen. What would I be like if those things didn't happen? I used to think all the time. How healthy would I be? How normal would I be? So what I had to do is find out that forgiveness does not mean forgive and forget. How can you ever forget that somebody god does? But how can I forget that I was raped? Mhmm. You know, the ugliness of that. How can I ever forget oh, you know, it says in the Lord's prayer, give us this day our daily brand and help us forgive those who trust mask against us? I think that daily echoes both cries. The daily bread and the daily forgiveness. Daily, I have to forgive.

0:23:19
So I don't think that saying, hey, I have to forget about it. I have to say it's okay. I have to get over it. I think I can forgive dailies in order to your hands. I think forgiveness means you still could seek justice. Just because I forget, doesn't mean I'm saying it's right. Just because I forget, doesn't mean I still want authorities. I I still want to be justified. I want a punishment if somebody breaks the law like rape. You know? So and I and I think that I can still have my healthy boundaries. I don't have to have a kumbaya moment. I don't have to, you know, hey, let's do Thanksgiving together. You know, I could still have my boundaries and say, I forgive you. But you need to stay over there, and I'm gonna stay over here. You know?

0:24:02
So I think that once I found out what forgiveness was, and it's not a one time event, like I said, it's all the time. There's a lot of that helped me say, god, that's what forgiveness is. I'm gonna just give it to you. And again, it wasn't easy. I forget because Christ told me to forgive. It took me about thirty years to figure that out because I didn't want to. I wanted to say, justify me. Revenge me. Yo. I wanted to say these things. That's what I wanted. I dreamed of my abuser in all kinds of horrible things. But God eventually, when I got to know God more, as I got to understand God's grace, as I got done to in God's mercy. As I sought God. God would now say, let's go move them out and Mark. Let's go move them out and then I would say, God, I know that month's forgiveness. I can't do it. He said, how did you move the pebble, the stone, the boulder? The hell, I said, you were with me. And he's brought me there.

0:25:00
Again, the mountain of abuse casted its shadow on me on everything I did. It was always constantly about me. And I used to think to myself when I forgive, it will be like rainbows and butterflies as mountain will be down to nothing, and I'll go go away happy. In a lot of ways, that mountain still shows up. I have my triggers. I have my memories, you know, a smell, something happens, it brings me right back. So a lot of ways that moat didn't get any smaller. God got bigger. God's burden. God's spirit. God's love. God's grace. Got brighter than the darkness of the lie. So the truth became louder than the lie. The love became deeper than the hate. The the grace became so fulfilling more than self doubt. So does that model show up? Hey, yeah, I'm a human. Right? But God reminds me, greater is he who's in me, who's in this world. Amen.

0:26:04
I and I wanna go back to something you just said about triggers in our life. And I have I say the same thing. There are smells. There are sounds. Yep. And there are just this little thing that happens and all of a sudden I am transported into a memory that I didn't know existed -- Yep. -- from my past.

0:26:31
And it and there are times you know, I feel that I'm walking closer with the Lord. I'm I'm you know, my prayer life is stronger. I'm following the Lord and suddenly It's as though it's not as though. It is Satan suddenly sing, hey Ruth, who are you? Why should anyone listen to you? Why should anyone read your book? Why should anyone do this or that?

0:26:59
Look at your story, look at all the and I have to say that there are moments that I just need to shut everything down. And not literally, but sort of put my head under a cover and just say, Lord, I can't I need to shut the this voice, you know, because Satan is bombarding me with it and I I know that if I let it, I will spiral into this pit of memories. So, you know, I don't know about you, but this is how I deal with it. I just kind of like I need to shut the noise down. And I know some people turn music on, some people say, I just need to go into a quiet space and just talk with the Lord, speak with the Lord, and refocus on him. Sure. Yeah.

0:27:56
I, you know, I think that anybody has gone through trauma. And and again, trauma can look in a lot of different ways. It can be child abuse. What I went through, it can be an addiction, a death, and there's not so many trauma. So I think, yeah, the enemy tries to keep us there, hold us down. You'll rob from us. And the triggers are a part of it. We're confessing, hey, we're set free, we're delivered, and then these moments of a fear. These moments of past rises up.

0:28:27
You know, one of my favorite stories is in the book of Genesis. It's about a Jacob wrestling with the angel. Anybody have that knows the Bible probably knows that, well, Jacob in that day meant deceiver. You'll get liar, cheat, deceiver. And when the angel comes to him and angel God and they begin to wrestle all night long, the angel touches his hip, but but Jacob won't let go and they're wrestling this. They give this scene of almost a wrestling match and gripping and holding and pushing and pulling. And then the agent says, let me go. It's almost daybreak. And and then Jacob says, I won't let you go until you bless me. The agent says to, what's your name? And he has to say it one more time. My name is Jacob, meaning my name is deceiver, but I'm known as a deceiver. I'm known as a as a liar. I'm known as a cheat. And then the NIV says, The angels said, now your name is Israel because you've wrestled with God and man and have overcome. In a sense, the deceiver became an over cover. And I believe the rest of his life he walked with a lip that he got in that wrestling match. That's Mark's mind. And I think he'll talk to the step for the rest of his life. You'd remember, I'm no longer Jacob. But now I'm Israel.

0:29:46
Sometimes we walk with lips from our past. Sometimes we walk with memories and scars and fears. And they wanna hold us down, but then we could say, we're overcovers, not because what we've done. Because of what Christ done. So when those moments show up, yeah, I like to get in my I start quoting scripture. You know, I'm paraphrasing it most of the time, but but I'm quote in the scripture. So I think sometimes that's my lip.

0:30:14
You know those triggers. I hate them. They show up. They they a ton of insecurity pops on. You know what? Who's gonna like this fat kid that brings me right back there? But then I remember that's my limp.

0:30:26
Because, see, that was the title I used to have was victim. That was the title I used to have was abused. That was the title that I used to have as sorrow and no good and something on somebody's bottom of their shoe. But God saved me and delivered me. And I'm very sober about who I am. I tell my church all the time. We're not perfect people, but we serve a perfect God. And and I don't have a new name. You know, child of God. You know, that's my name. So in out of those places, I I don't but they're not easy. You're right. They're not easy. But remember who we are. Remember that God used Paul. A murderer. You know, so much I mean, you know, I mean, all the disciples had their their failures. Right? So you know, they all had their troubles, but God uses these broken pieces of clay to build up his name. Yeah. I mean and we're not just survivors who are overcomers. That's right. We have to overcome yeah.

0:31:27
The and and the other part about forgiveness that I wanna touch on is not just forgiving those around us, but we need to also have the grace to forgive ourselves as part of, I think, that healing and to become overcome commerce. What do you what do you want? I love that question. I'm asked that all the time, and I'll tell people this, I knew I didn't do anything wrong.

0:31:52
I knew I was a victim in a sense, not the mentality of a victim, but I knew I was the victim of this person. So I I I you know, when I look back, maybe I should have fought off sooner. Why did I why did I wait for this for I was a child. I I reason like a child. But I'll tell you what I did is I didn't love myself. I hated myself because of what I went through.

0:32:14
And But Christ says to us, love your neighbor as you love yourself. For a long time, you didn't want to love you didn't want me to love you because I didn't love myself. So when I learned to love myself and how did I do that by falling more in love with Jesus. As I lifted up the name of Jesus, as I stood upon the rock of Jesus Christ as I began to stir the word as I sup a father and filled with the spirit. I started to learn to love myself. And by learning to love I wanna say again, I'm still at work. You know, I'm still Clay. He's still molding me and shaping me and reviewing and teaching me, but as I learned to love myself that I was able to learn to love others. Yeah. Amen?

0:32:59
And at this point in your life and your ministry, what are you the most excited about? Wow, that's a great question. When when anybody gets saved, I mean, that's that's the that's part of Christ. Today is the day of salvation. You know, this has been a journey. I never thought I'd be on. I, you know, to write a book, to be interviewed by great people like yourself, to see what guys doing, we're starting a television program called forgiven the nightmare TV. And there's so many great things happening. And I could talk about the way the Lord has brought me to Florida. Georgia and California. It's I can't believe it, but that's all superficial.

0:33:39
It's when I get the letters and the notes and the emails that say, hey, the wall's coming down a little bit. I was able to talk to my spouse for the first time. I've buried this as a guy. Never told anybody about it. But when I heard your story, it sounded just like my story. You know, I had to pull over. Literally, I got an email from a guy saying, I had to pull over. As by myself, as come over work, I just begin to cry.

0:34:04
So that's the thing that excites me most when when people hear the word of God, who spotted the word of God if God begins to heal because we bury this. You know, hurt comes out. Anger comes out. Anger always breaks something. And oftentimes we're angry, we're confused because as a child or in a situation, somebody stole something from us. We can't even identify it. We just know it's gone. And we go, how do we get it back? What's it called? I I just wanna feel good again and we self medicate. We we we just wanna go back to nub, but God's called us out of that Myriad clay. So, yeah, I think I'm more excited about what all the fun things I've done and hope to do more. But, again, when people hear the word of God and we respond to a God that loves them. Yeah. Amen to that.

0:34:57
But I think that that is what we need to look towards. That is our commission here on earth, is to go out to tell the good news. And and free other people from their their hurt, their pain, their suffering, and I think that you know, with sharing your story if one person is reached. You know, it's a snowball effect that one person will reach someone else. And -- But -- only in heaven, in eternity, will will you know what your story and who it affected. You know, it's it's a blessing.

0:35:35
Before we wrap up, what is one piece of advice that you can share with those who have dealt with trauma and are struggling with forgiveness. You're not alone. You're not alone. One of the biggest lies of the enemy, whatever you're going through right now, you're the only one. Right? You can't tell anybody, no one will understand, you'll be shame, you'll be marginalized, but you're not alone. Anything that's happened to any of us, somebody else has already gone through it.

0:36:05
Song would say there's nothing new under the sun. So there's support groups, there's advocacy, there's coaches, counselors, psychiatrists, friends, neighbors, So a lot of times, we just wanna handle it ourselves. So the first thing I would say is reach out to somebody you could trust. Somebody that that's on your side for you, not against you. And the Lord will reveal those people to you. But the first thing I would say is you're not alone. Don't believe that lie. You're the only guy that went through this or you're the only woman who went through this or the only family that's gone through this, there's support out there.

0:36:38
And probably the biggest advice that I could say is that you may not feel it, you may not believe it, you may not understand it, but God loves you. That's it. Yeah. But I vote this way and I live that way. I don't care. God loves you. That's the message of the gospel. Well, I don't always agree with the church. Hey, I'm a pastor. I don't always agree with the church. That doesn't matter. The message is God loves you. Amen.

0:37:07
Pastor Mark, thank you for joining me today and sharing your story, your your wisdom and knowledge with my out of the darkness listeners, friends, check out the show notes on how to connect with pastor Mark Sowersby. Thank you. Thank you, God bless. Thank you for joining me. To stay connected, follow me on Instagram and Facebook. If you like this podcast, can you help me find new listeners by leaving a rating and review? This small step takes only a moment, but really helps grow the listening audience. So let me thank you in advance. I hope you have a wonderful day and until next time. Let's continue on our journey as followers of Jesus Christ. I am Ruth Hovsepian.

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